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Adultery/What should I do with my cheating father?

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Question
Few months ago, he confessed that he cheated on my mother for whole 2 years and that night, he came with his woman to curse and swear my mother. I study abroad and heard about it through Skype from my mother. It was almost the first time I have heard my mother crying.
After hearing the news, I just went back to US to confront my father. My mother tried to divorce but she is too kind to just kick him out of the house. He is still living with my mother and older sister.

I also have a lot of problems with my older sister (she is 25) to the point where she said to me to disappear from her life completely. I haven't talked to her for one year, bought her a birthday present and tried apologizing but she just threw it back to my face.

I don't know what to do with this family anymore. I tried to be supportive to my mother but college stress and family stress were too much sometimes. I just wanted to tell her to stop complaining and leave me alone.

Please give me advice on this matter. I am going back to my college soon.
Thank you.


Yours,
Leon.H

Answer
Dear Leon,

This situation is pretty mixed up and I'm not sure it can be completely solved with your mother being as kind as she is.

The most correct thing is for your father to experience the loss of his family, since he did something that should have caused that loss.  Experiencing that loss is the only way your father can become repentant and realize the necessity of correcting his ways.

This thing that your mother is going through is very, very hard.  No one can begin to imagine the pain she feels unless they have been put through the same thing.  Your mother really does need someone to talk to and confide in about what she is going through.  I can tell you that it is worth all the effort it takes from you to be there for her through this very, very painful and difficult time.

The literal definition of marriage includes faithfulness as an absolute necessity and one of the most important defining points.  If faithfulness is gone, it's not marriage.  Until your father repents and asks your mother's forgiveness, and she forgives and decides to take him back, there is no marriage.  They are living together now with no marriage.

The only way this thing can be corrected is for your mother to find her strength and let your father know that he has ended their marriage, and therefore they are no longer married.  Legal divorce is the only correct option unless your father repents and receives your mother's forgiveness.  What your father has done is tragic, but it can't be undone and its effects must follow.  No one has a choice now.

With your sister, I think the best thing to do is write her a letter sharing some of your childhood memories and remind her that you are going to be there for her even if she cannot find it in herself to be there for you.  Let her know that you will give her all the time she needs to find it in her heart to respond to you, but if she runs into difficulty she can always call you.

It sounds like you and your mother are the only ones in your family who have moral stability, and so the two of you will end up supporting each other.  Your mother is the one with the tremendous need right now, and you are the one with the moral strength.  She really needs someone to confide in, and I think it's better you than someone else.

This is the best I can tell you based on the information provided.  You are welcome to give any relevant details and ask for anything you need any time.  Thanks so much for confiding in me.  I wish you all the best, and I hope the best for your family.

Adultery

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The Man of Steel

Expertise

I can answer questions about how to handle your position with a cheating spouse or one that has cheated recently. How to straighten up your life and get back on track one way or the other. My answers will include God because He fills the most vital part in your recovery. They will also include help with the decisions you will have to make to clean things up.

Experience

Was cheated on several times by the same woman. We were able to save and keep our marriage, and we will never have this problem again.

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Purchase my book at www.youngadventure.com and reading this alone will be a major relief to your aching mind.

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Five years of college, 24 years of working in various hands-on fields, and several technical fields.

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