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Adultery/In an open relationship and having sex with a married man who is 27 years older and cheating on his wife


He hit on me for a few months before giving me his digits. I text him to see what's up and found that he gave me the wrong number. I saw him a few weeks later and asked him about it. He said it made sense why he didn't hear from me.  

We text shortly and he made me ask him out for a date. I invited him for a stroll at the park with the most amazing woman he'll ever meet. He took me up on my offer... And this is where it all began.  

We sat on the park bench underneath a willow tree. It was chilly that evening and he kept me close and asked me if he could date me, take me out to movies. He started kissing my forehead and that's when I realized he wanted to be more than friends. Call me naive, but I like to give men the benefit of the doubt and not accuse them for being sexual in nature.  

He left for San Francisco for about two weeks to visit his sister. We would text until 2 am in the morning. But things began to change when I told him that I already have a boyfriend and he knew about our sexual relationship. He slightly became distant towards our involvement.  

Eight months later, he has become the most inconsistent man that I've ever met in my life, not that I meet many.   I told him I was going out for lunch with an older man and I picked a location near his office for in case I needed to call for help, he accused me of jumping another man before I would meet with him.  

He asks me if I'm happy with my boyfriend, I happily respond with yes. I ask him if he's happy with his wife, he nods.  

We hang out with each other more than we have sex. I try to squeeze in quickies around his schedule and he tells me he would rather have more time to shag. He tells me he loves me for giving him clarity, I laugh it off and tell him he's silly. I ask him what je suis means in french and he responds with je t'aime, I love you and says it twice more.  

I encourage him to have sex with other women so he's not sexually exclusive to me and he tells me we have a spark. I tell him I don't believe in sparks and he said there's electricity between us. I tell him he doesn't like me and he says it's untrue.  

When I finally tell him I want to share something with him that has been on my mind, he tells me to control myself. He says he's a married man with a son and he has a lot to lose if he got emotionally involved. Yet when I tell him everything between us is an act and a fantasy, he gets offended because according to him, he's been real all this time.  

Why is he behaving so inconsistently?

Hello Ashley,

I am not sure how to answer this because I don't really see any inconsistency. It sounds to me (an outsider) like he HAS been real. He has been clear that he has a wife whom he loves and isn't leaving. He doesn't want emotional entanglements with you and sharing things that lead in that direction are not what he wants.

You have other lovers. He has a wife. You two meet for talks and sex at his convenience. It sounds pretty consistent with an affair.

Sorry I can't be of more help. I just don't see the ambiguity.


Laura Giles


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Laura Giles


Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues


I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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