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Adultery/my mum seeing someone outside her marriage


QUESTION: my mum and dad are having difficult times and they had to stay apart for more than a year now..i  and my younger ones are living with my mum in my own rented apartment..i just found out my mum has a secrete lover from same church they attend.. am pretty furious about this but i don't want to act like an idiot so please i need and immediate response as to what i should do concerning this loosing patience and i might get stupid ..

ANSWER: Dear Afure,

You say that you are living in an apartment, so I am assuming you are an adult. If that is the case then my advice is to mind your own business. A lot goes on between a husband and wife that the children or any other outsiders can know. Things may not be as they appear. Even if they are, your parents have a right to choose their future for themselves. There is really nothing you can do except choose to either accept it or not accept it.

I am sorry. I am sure that is not what you wanted to hear. There is no way for you to "fix" this.


Laura Giles

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thank you so much laura for taking your time to read and reply my question..actually i don't know what to say or do..i am a trying young man of house a two bedroom younger sister 22 is very sober about this issues ,,she was the one who brought this to my notice just this evening..i have to handle this situation as a man but i really do not know how to address my kid sister about this please..just this once

Dear Afure,

Let your sister share her feelings. Talk to her about your feelings. Decide how you want to proceed with this.

It may be that you feel you cannot continue having a relationship with your mother. Or it may be that you decide that you hate what she is doing, but love her enough to tolerate her choices so that you don't lose her.

Be true to yourself. That is what this is really all about. It's not about what your mom is doing. She's a grown woman. She can make her own choices. This is more about how can you move through this with honor and integrity. When you decide what you need, talk to her. Let her know that you know. Tell her how you feel. Then leave her to live her life and you make choices about how you want to live. If her choices mean that she loses your respect and love, well, that is the consequences of her behavior. We all have to live with what we do.

Maybe if she realizes how much damage she's doing, she will stop. Even if she doesn't, it's not up to you to live her life for her. Stay focused on what this means for you.

Good luck,

Laura Giles


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Laura Giles


Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues


I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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