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Adultery/Complete & utter regret and remorse

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Question
I have to first compliment my husband of nearly 11 1/2 years.  He is a wonderful husband and father. I have two incredible kids. Even typing that makes me wonder why I would do what I did.  I met a man in a bar while visiting a friend out of town.  We had a small kiss in the bar and exchanged numbers.  For nearly 2 months we texted frequently, spoke on the phone a few times and became close.  My husband found one of our texts which was extremely 'juicy' as he described it.  My life changed that instant.  I thought my life as I knew it was over.  But my wonderful husband wanted me close and instantly wanted to figure out how to work through this.  I ended the 'relationship' instantly.  I am going to seek counseling, as I believe part of my problem stems from childhood issues.
Should I try to figure out the root cause and work on repairing myself before we move toward marriage counseling?  I've talked about counseling for years, as I definitely have issues when it comes to men (My parents divorced when I was 7 due to my father cheating on my mom.  The irony is not lost on me.).  This is a real wake up call for me to fix myself, but not sure if I should start there or if we should do marriage counseling first.

Answer
Hi Jennie,

Yes, you should work on your issues; however, if you don't do something that includes your husband in this process, he may feel that the problem isn't being addressed. He may feel left out. This is really a question that you should address with him.

Sincerely,

Laura Giles

Adultery

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Laura Giles

Expertise

Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues

Experience

I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

Organizations
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

Publications
The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

Education/Credentials
BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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