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Adultery/Single Man and Married Woman


About 3 months ago, I reconnected with a woman I went to high school with 20 years ago.  I am 38 she is 35.  I am single and she is married with one child.  I gave her my email just in case she wanted to email me to catch up.  Two days later the emails started.  She emails 1 to 4 times daily.  She has told me her husband is jealous and does not want her talking to any guys so this has to be behind his back.  She has told me about him controlling her as in keeping her from doing certain things.  I do care deeply for her.  I want her out of this situation.  But am I in the right position to do anything about it?  We have not had physical contact yet, only email.  We see one another occasionally "by accident" really planned when she is with him in public.  What do I do?

Dear Chris,

LEAVE THIS ALONE. This is a MARRIED WOMAN. This is a marriage that definitely has some problems. You don't want to complicate them by "helping." Having an affair, interfering in someone else's marriage, sneaking behind the husband's back, and lying isn't healthy behavior. Is that the type of relationship YOU want?

Let's think about this. You are with a woman who chooses to deal with her marital issues by telling her business to outsiders, involving them in her problems, and kindling an affair. Is that the type of relationship you want?

If you care about her, keep your distance. Let her work this out. She has strength and ability. Give her a chance to use it and discover what she is made of. If she skips on to the next man, you will know you just aren't that special. If she gets out of her marriage, you will know that it truly is unbearable and the two of you can make whatever plans you want free from any guilt that you "stole" her away. If things stay the same, perhaps things really aren't as bad as she says they are.

Either way, it's not wise for you to stick your nose in someone else's business or start a relationship with someone who isn't free. Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you. Don't justify it by saying, "he's controlling."  There is ALWAYS another side to the story that quite likely doesn't look like what is being presented to you.

Best of luck,

Laura Giles


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Laura Giles


Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues


I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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