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Adultery/facebook secrets


Hi Laura

My wife and I have had our problems over the years including a separation 3 years ago. My wife has always flirted with other men as she works in a gym, she gets alot of attention. Recently she left her facebook password visible and I decided to see who was messaging her. I found one guy that she must have dated behind my back years ago flirting on there and yesterday I found a thread relating to photos that she wanted one of the gym instructors to delete from a night out with her co workers. Incidently, that night, she did cocaine and crashed at her friends for the night without telling me. I thought our marriage was ok but finding this stuff out on fb is scaring me. What should I do? I think she has these photos on her cell phone and sleeps with it under her pillow. All this is driving me crazy but I'm worried tgat if I confront her she will deny everything and say it was all harmless. We have two young kids so we rarely go out so I'm sure she isn't seeing someone as such but is behaving like a single teenager when she does. Please help.

Hi Andrew,

You certainly have a right to know about anything going on in your life that affects you. Your wife flirting, or potentially cheating, most definitely affects you.

I would have a chat about it. Before you do that, however, I'd decide in advance what you want from that chat to help you stay on topic. Do you want honesty? Intimacy? Trust? Communication? What? If you go about this with the desire to make her "wrong" and you "wronged," you may get that, but so what? Or she may fight against it, and then you are just stuck in a pissing match. So have a useful focus.

I'd be up front and honest. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING THAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE THAT AFFECTS YOU. Checking her Facebook account or phone and seeing pictures that shouldn't be there isn't snooping. That is your right. She's your wife. If she is trustworthy, there is no reason to do these sorts of things. If you look at her Facebook and see nothing, you are reassured that all is as it should be. If you see something, it's well and good that you know about it. This is your life. It's up to you to know what happens in it.

So, I would speak to her. Tell her what you know and ask for what you want. If you get it then this was a great lesson to strengthen your relationship. Let it be that. If you don't, then it's time to start looking at what is really going on between the two of you.

Best of luck!

Laura Giles


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Laura Giles


Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues


I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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