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Adultery/Adultery and Mistake

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Question
I am 28 years old happlily married housewife, mine is a love marriage.We have 2 beatuful girls and my husband loves me a lot and our ralationship has been going great.He cares me a lot and loves me lot. I love him too. Everything has been perfect am completely satisfied by all ways. A year ago a handsome bank manager rented the opposite flat. He is also married but he didn't bring his family.He told us that he will be in this city for 1 year and he doesn't want to disturb his children' s education and his wife works in his native.He makes friendship to us and often visits us in the evenings.He is 2 years older than my husband.He goes to office around 11 a.m. My husband and kids leave around 8.30. After that i become alone.He started to collect the news paper everyday and always tried to chat with something or the other I never invited him at my home. initially I didn't paid much attention.Slowly i began to like these conversations and i slowly attracted to his sense of humor. As there were no activity for me in the house and i was bored whole day till my husband and kids arrive.He slowly befriended me and started to discuss about his wife and family.I thought a friendship is ok if i can draw a line. We stay at the top floor and i use the terrace to dry the washed clothes.Whenever i go there he also started to come there.He always tries to flirt with me.Later i went there only after he leaves for office. He started to go the office.This hide and seek game last almost 2 months.I was scared to disclose this to my husband.As i started to avoid him noticed he lost interest on me. Then i made biggest mistake in my life.I started to talk to him again.This time he was so aggressive and he started to call me from his office.I never disclosed this to my husband.One day he talked to me a lot convinced me to consider him as my best friend.Slowly he became very open and started to talk about his personal life and all, i was reluctant in the beginning and he slowly start talking about sex.He started discuss with his sex life and curious about my sex life.Then he started praise about my body structure and all, i could not stop him. I must say i reluctantly i enjoyed these kind of chat. and i even revealed the coulor of my inner wear when he asked. Couple of week it went on.Later i realize the mistake i made.One day i called him informed him that we must stop these kind of conversation,i told him that i felt very guilty about what i did.He tried to convince me i told him to consider me as a good friend and he promised me that he will be my best friend. I was wrong, it was too late.One day around 12 i went to the terrace i thought he might have left for the office as i was returing i saw him waiting for me i smiled at him.He stopped me in the varanda.He told me to stop avoiding him it leads to a small argument and middle of that he dragged my waist and tightly embraced me and kissed me on my mouth.I tried to stop him but he was so stong and never let me go.I reqested him to leave.Within next 15 minutes he made me a doll in his hand he pressed me to the wall and started to explore my private parts.He was telling lot of sexual comment to my ear.When he asked me for bed i couldn't say anythng he took me to my house and to my bedroom started undressing me and we had sex till evening.He made me enjoy each and every moment of it.I totally co-operated with him. Its been going on for the last 6 months.Couple of time we had sex whole night when my husband was out of town.He made me enjoy lot thing i never did with my husband.We tried diffrent positions. I feel very guilty about this.He promises no one will come to know.It will be over once he leaves this city.Even i am not able to say no when he comes for sex.I dont know what will happen.I am screwed up.Belive me my there is no change in my love for my family.Please, what can I do?

Answer
Hello Veena,

1) This man RAPED you. When you take a person by force, when you have sex with someone who says "no", that is rape. It doesn't matter if you ended up enjoying it. Rape is an act of selfishness and power, not love. This is important for you to understand.

2) Your marriage is not as satisfying as you say. Please look at this. This man gave you something that you weren't getting in your marriage (attention, perhaps?) that made you vulnerable. This has to be addressed or you may find yourself in a similar position when your neighbor leaves. There is no need to eat when you are full.

3) My advice to you is to become closer to your husband. Pay more attention to him. Love him. Become so happy with him that you don't answer the neighbor's calls, don't see him, and don't want him. Your husband will appreciate this. You will be happier too. If you continue this, you risk your entire family.

4) Go to counseling. You will need support as you break this off. You can't talk to your family or friends. A counselor will help guide you.

Best of luck,

Laura Giles

Adultery

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Laura Giles

Expertise

Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues

Experience

I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

Organizations
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

Publications
The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

Education/Credentials
BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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