Adultery/Is this ok?


We are not married but consider ourselves to be, my fiance and I are young ( he is 25 and I am 23). He has a major thing for talking to women though, he tells me he hates having male friends because they throw such fits and women are just easier to talk to.

But he flirts, and he especially talks to them when we are fighting. He will pick a few off his facebook and start to message them. He has never said anything really bad ( to my knowing), although the girl he was dating when we met, he has told her he misses her "as a friend" and has had dreams about her.

I just feel really uncomfortable with it and he knows I do, he says I am over reacting and that I shouldnt worry. But I do, no matter what I am so worried he will start a "thing" with one of them or fall in love with someone else.

I dont want to control him but the fact that he only talks to females and he has to be so flirty about it ( lots of lol's and winky faces and how they look so good since he last saw them).

I just dont know how to handle this situation or if my emotions are just being dramatic and I shouldnt worry.

Hello Amber,

There are two things wrong with this scenario: the way it makes you feel and the fact that it puts him in a vulnerable position to cheat. Neither of those is good for the longterm health of your relationship.

The healthy way for a couple to make decisions is to do it together. Both have equal say in whatever impacts the relationship. No decision should be made without ENTHUSIASTIC agreement from both parties. This doesn't mean you give a little and I give a little, we compromise and nobody gets what they want. It means we both love what we came up with. It doesn't sound like this is the way his friendships are being handled.

In fact, any friendship that does not include both of you has no place in the relationship- at least if you are married or want to have a life together. When you consider yourselves married, you have one life. Not two. A marriage cannot last with secrets or when the couple is divided.

Laura Giles


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Laura Giles


Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues


I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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