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Adultery/feelings about partner's infidelity


My partner engaged in oral sex (without completion) and making out with another man. We talked about it, he was very apologetic, and I forgave him. However, while both things really hurt, I felt that him making out with another man hurt more than the oral sex because I feel that is more intimate than sex because making out is mainly used as a way to express love or deep feelings. Obviously, sex is an expression of that as well, but a lot of the time it's just a physical urge. But I know my partner does not have these types of feelings toward this man. So my question is, since I feel making out is a way to express love or feelings, but he doesn't have these feelings for this man, why does that still hurt more than the oral sex?

My question for you is why does it matter to differentiate between acts? Do you get to decide the meaning of someone else's behavior? If you forgave him, why are there still hurt feelings? How can I tell you why one thing hurts more than another?

What I am saying is, talk to your partner. I don't have the answers to your questions. No one outside yourself does.

Laura Giles  


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Laura Giles


Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues


I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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