Adultery/Adultery

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Question
I am a 40 year old woman from India. I have been married for 15 years to an army man and we have two wonderful kids. Seven years ago my husband had a terrible accident at the border in Kashmir and suffered a traumatic brain injury. He was in a coma for many months and the doctors told me that his brain had suffered a great deal of damage by both the impact as well as due to the lack of oxygen supply to his brain when he had stopped breathing. Even today seven years later he is unable to talk and recognize people. He requires round the clock care and is currently living in an assisted care facility for injured army men.

For the last seven years I have been taking care of the kids on my own and with the help of some friends and family. My husband and I loved each other and his injury deeply affected all of us. After his accident I promised myself that I would continue to take care of him and would never cheat on him with another man. But itís been so long now that some days when I have to take care of the kids and also work and pay the bills etc, I wish I had someone alongside to support me. I havenít had sex since his accident and to be honest I miss that intimacy and the connection. So for the past few months I have been meeting a man who is a close friend of mine and we have become very close. He has kissed me a few times but I have stopped him before things could go any further. Every time I think about having sex with him there is a part of me that says that I am betraying my husband. But another part of me says that since my husband and I donít have a conjugal relationship is it really a betrayal? Should I go through with it? Please share your views.

Answer
Hi Manisha,

Nobody can define "betrayal" but you. You have to decide what constitutes a betrayal and what doesn't. Nobody can justify, excuse or condone your behavior. You only have to answer to yourself. Do what your values say you must. Nobody can be happy when they go against their values. If you are clear on that, you will have your answer.

Sincerely,

Laura Giles

Adultery

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Laura Giles

Expertise

Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues

Experience

I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

Organizations
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

Publications
The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

Education/Credentials
BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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