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Adultery/married, confused, love


married, early 30s, attractive , I am married 10 years 2 kids, husband is a good guy, never cheated on me, just regular ups and downs, sex life is ok its basically me dreading to have sex with my own husband always just don't seem to be interested in sex all these years so may be just once or twice a month. however, he has never complained, he is nice guy, a very good father, providing for the family. However, for some reason, I have never been able to fall in love with him. There is always some level of emptiness within me despite having a seemingly normal and good life loving husband, kids, house, security.

I recently met a guy at work, he is single and few years younger to me and we share an office, however, I am too attracted to him, all of sudden, I have all these feelings of sex and love for him, don't know if its just a lust or love? why have I never had these feelings with my husband for so many years. I don't know if he likes me or loves me but I do feel he is attracted to me as he has been flirting with me past few months. However, since past couple days, he has been withdrawing and not even talking to me or looking at me. may be he realized its never going to work or may be he was never interested. I just seem to get over that why is he ignoring me all of a sudden - I cant get him out of my head.

I don't know him outside of work but every inch of me longs to be with him or to know more about him. I know this is morally wrong I feel so guilty for having all these thoughts on my mind. I don't know if there is any future with this guy
my brain obviously tell me this uncertain future is not worth sacrificing my present. Buy my brains are so messed up I cant stop thinking about this guy, its like he is sinking into my soul, at the same time, I don't know if I will ever be able to leave my husband and kids. However, what do I do with my feelings, my desire for love, my emptiness? at the same time, this could just be a fatal attraction not love at all? I am so confused and messed up.

I know my husband loves me a lot, accepted me with the good n bad the way I am, and I cant even bear to give him pain.
But the attraction I feel is so strong,. I cant avoid this guy as we sit next to each other at work its getting very difficult for me to focus anywhere at home or work. My mind is wondering if he likes me or not, if he just wants to use me for sex or may be has no feelings or just a crush for me.

I have never done anything wrong, but I m feeling trapped between my desires and guilt and responsibilities of mother and wife. please please help me.


Let's put the attraction in perspective, shall we? It's not love. I don't have to know you, him, or the circumstances to know that. Love doesn't happen instantaneously. It is based on something. You two don't know each other enough to have a basis upon which to build love.

So, the most effective thing to do with this is to use it as a catalyst to fix what is wrong with your life. See it as a wake up call that things are unbearable and you can't continue with things the way they are. You are considering walking away from your husband, kids, and life for a man you don't even know so how could it be otherwise?

If you have a husband who loves you through ups and downs and accepts you as you are, you are among the luckiest of women. Whatever emptiness you feel isn't because of him. Whether we are empty or full is up to us. Whether we love or withhold is up to you. So, do some therapy. Discover yourself. Find what lights you up. Learn how to connect. You can feel connected and full with so little once you know how. You will be glad you did.

If you have a fling with this guy, that's all it will be. You will kick the problem down the road and still face it later. Meanwhile, you will also leave a trail of destruction with your family. If you want to leave your husband, leave your husband. Just don't do it this way.

You're not a "bad" person for having these thoughts and feelings. They are normal and natural. It's just a sign that something is not balanced in your life. If you see it as more than that, you will likely do things that are not helpful. Attack the problem head on. Deal with the emptiness. Start with you.


Laura Giles


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Laura Giles


Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues


I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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