Adultery/Questions Answered by Expert Pastor Kimberly Lemler

SubjectDate Asked
Adultery3/2/2010
  Q: ...I need some advice/help! My husband cheated on me last year. We've been married for 10 years and ...
  A: Christ certainly wants reconciliation if at all possible, but remember that He also made a way out ...
divorced10/27/2009
  Q: After 5 years of having to deal with my husband cheating on me ( my ex-husband is a minister) ...
  A: You didn't say if you had children. This would be the only reason he should be a part of your life ...
3rd party10/25/2009
  Q: I've been in very dark places before and I think I'm still in one. 2 years 3 months ago, during the ...
  A: Vanessa, Before I answer you, can you tell me if you are a born again Christian? If not, are you ...
Adultery10/16/2009
  Q: I do not know how to start this other than to say that I am a very hurt and confused woman. I have ...
  A: Jamila, I don't know how to put this other than, "IT'S TIME TO END THIS NOW!" He is a cheater and ...
Is my mind playing tricks on me?10/15/2009
  Q: I have been married for 13 years and have 3 daughters. Over the past year I have really been ...
  A: More often than not, if you have been seeing little clues along the way that lead you to believe she ...
divorce10/1/2009
  Q: My husband cheated on me 3 times during our marriage. It was always with a female coworker at each ...
  A: I went through the same thing about 18 years ago. It was painful at first, but then it got easier ...
How can i get her to believe and trust me9/27/2009
  Q: i have just been dumped by my fiance and partner of 6 years. about a year ago she went on my ...
  A: You obviously have given your girlfriend reason to question your fidelity. The fact is that past ...
Please help me9/4/2009
  Q: I am a 30 year old Christian woman who has recieved the Jesus as my lord and saviour. I have been ...
  A: I believe that you need to get one on one counseling for the trauma that happened to you as a child. ...
Online female friend of husband8/21/2009
  Q: I need advice about my situation, please. I am 23 and he is 25. We met at 11, dated on and off then ...
  A: Your husband needs to grow up. He sounds very immature. Playing video games non-stop can be an ...
fantasies3/16/2009
  Q: My husband wants me to talk about other sexual experiences I have had before we were married while ...
  A: Rebecca, It's totally wrong and just be firm and tell him NO. Any scripture about adultery will ...
adultry3/6/2009
  Q: pastor kim could you tell me from not only from an women view but from an chritian women view ...
  A: She was right in telling him to leave. As far as the other woman goes, she is being driven by her ...
Age-gap & adultery3/5/2009
  Q: I have been seeing a man 17 years my senior for 1.5 years (I'm 25, he's 42). He has been separated ...
  A: I think your first instincts were right and that the Lord is trying to tell you something. He always ...
Is it worth saving this marriage2/22/2009
  Q: I am a Christian man who has tried to live my life in a way consistent with the Bible’s teachings. ...
  A: I believe that if a marriage goes south, the responsibility lies on the husband's shoulders. God ...
Wife's MMS2/12/2009
  Q: ..some time back I received an MMS showing my wife having sex at office with two of her colleagues, ...
  A: It sounds pretty suspicious to me. You might want to check her phone records and also consider ...
Fiance has a 4 month baby2/9/2009
  Q: I have been with my fiance for 6 years, just engaged in 10/2008. However in December 2008, a letter ...
  A: This isn't something that is going to get fixed overnight. You really need to talk to a pastor in ...
adultery2/8/2009
  Q: I am writing this because I am in great pain. My husband commited adultery and had an affair for ...
  A: Here's the deal with adultery....if they did it once, they are likely to do it again...UNLESS they ...
contact w/ other woman2/5/2009
  Q: I am a Christian. I found out 6 mos. ago that my husband of 17 yrs. was having an affair. They ...
  A: My first inclination is to tell you to just drop it. You will be opening up wounds that are just now ...
adultery1/27/2009
  Q: I'm a christian who got involved in adultery and confessed to my spouse according to the word of God ...
  A: You can do anything you want to do because you always have a choice. It's a choice you are making to ...
Lust and flirting1/19/2009
  Q: I don't know if you would consider this a question of adultery. Here is my dilema. My husband and I ...
  A: The Bible talks about when a man looks at a woman with lust, it's the same as committing adultery ...
Adultery1/15/2009
  Q: A year ago I moved across the country to be with my boyfriend of 6 years. We now live about 1.5 ...
  A: This is not an easy situation. You do risk losing him and hurting him so deeply that it can affect ...
adultery1/10/2009
  Q: pastor, I am battling an issue concerning my husband. I am an Christian and my husband is an ...
  A: You asked me in your original question, "Why is God punishing him", and I answered you. Now you ...
adultery1/8/2009
  Q: pastor, I am battling an issue concerning my husband. I am an Christian and my husband is an ...
  A: Your husband does know what he is doing. He is well aware that it is sin. Just because he is not ...
Emotional affair1/7/2009
  Q: I have been married for just 47 days today and at the weekend found out that my husband of that time ...
  A: I understand your frustration and anger. I think I would have taken that phone and smashed it to ...
adultery1/5/2009
  Q: My husband cheated on me with a black woman. She was younger than his youngest daughter. Of course ...
  A: Anna, I really want you to find a local pastor and sit down and talk with him/her. You need ...
Trust Issues...12/4/2008
  Q: My husband and i have been married for 6 years (together for 10). While we were just dating he ...
  A: You are stuck spinning your wheels and the only way you can move forward is to renew your mind to ...
Cheatting wife10/16/2008
  Q: After a marriage of 25 years and two children leaving with me.I found after a fight with my ex wife ...
  A: Are you a Christian? The Lord is our healer and if you ask Him to heal your heart, he will. You need ...
HUSBAND CHEATING VIA MOBILE PHONE7/21/2008
  Q: I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 18 YEARS. OUR MARRIAGE HAS HAD IT'S UP'S AND DOWN'S, AS ALL MARRIAGES, I ...
  A: Your husband is way out of line and you need to be really strong with him in telling him that he ...
HELP7/4/2008
  Q: i found out text messages exchanges between my wife and her former boss such as "i want to make luv ...
  A: That's 3 weeks away. Are you sure you want to hold on until then? Yes, I would continue to check up ...
Wondering if my marriage is falling apart?7/3/2008
  Q: First of i don't think my husband is attracted to me anymore he dont look at me like he use to ...
  A: How old is your husband? Besides looking at other women, do you suspect that he is cheating when he ...
how do i have the faith?7/2/2008
  Q: my husband has continued to lie and cheat. I finally thought I was ready to proceed with divorce ...
  A: Beana, I really need more information about your situation to give you an answer. Please write ...
HELP6/27/2008
  Q: i found out text messages exchanges between my wife and her former boss such as "i want to make luv ...
  A: You need to confront her as soon as possible. Sit her down and tell her that you know. And that you ...
adultery6/19/2008
  Q: My husband cheated on me with a black woman. She was younger than his youngest daughter. Of course ...
  A: Let me first say that YOU ARE VALUABLE!! You have no idea of your worth. You are God's creation and ...
Cheating Wife6/11/2008
  Q: My wife and I have been going out for 9.5 years and been married for the last 2.5 years. We meet ...
  A: The attraction to this other man is going to be a strong pull for her and it doesn't sound as if she ...
Help with my marriage6/10/2008
  Q: 8 plus years ago I committed adultery and 16 months back I confessed my sins to my wife, We are ...
  A: I don't recommend anyone unless I know them because there are so many spiritual issues involved and ...
marital sexual problems6/3/2008
  Q: Yes, I am a Christian. I've been married for 40 years; two grown children. Despite my asking, ...
  A: You only have 2 options...divorce or celibacy. There is no other option. Adultery is adultery and I ...
adultery5/30/2008
  Q: I've been married for 17+ yrs , my husband left with a married woman 3 months ago , what are the ...
  A: Ann, Some people are just liars through and through. They have told lies for so long that it's ...
Wife having affair & moving out asking me to bear with her5/22/2008
  Q: I was in a motorcycle accident four years ago resulting in the loss of use of my left arm and severe ...
  A: ..this is a follow-up. The only counselors I know in Florida are in St. Pete. They are the pastors ...
Adultry5/17/2008
  Q: I'm a Christian woman my husband of 25 years has cheated 2 times before our marriage and 5 times ...
  A: I'm a little confused and perhaps you could write back and give more clarity to your situation. You ...
Help with my marriage5/13/2008
  Q: 8 plus years ago I committed adultery and 16 months back I confessed my sins to my wife, We are ...
  A: Adultery is devastating to a wife. You have no idea how this hurts. It hurt me so much that I got ...
adultery5/8/2008
  Q: I need some real counsel on this issue. I committed adultery recently with an old girlfriend of ...
  A: Right now I am doing a series on my radio program about bitterness and unforgiveness. I want you to ...
my wife was unfaithful during our engagement4/23/2008
  Q: My wife had an on again off again affair with her ex last year, before we were married. Despite ...
  A: The good word on this one is that you have a decision to make...and that decision is to let go of ...
cheating husband with pregnant girlfriend4/21/2008
  Q: I got married at the young age of 19 and he was 23. He wasn't exactly the nicest person; he has a ...
  A: This is an up and down roller coaster ride and you certainly cannot live like this. The stress is ...
Christian Adultery4/17/2008
  Q: How common is it for adulterer's to justify their relationship? How do they make it right with God? ...
  A: I answered your original questions as I read them. Now you are asking if adultery is okay? The ...
Adultery led to female becoming pregnant3/14/2008
  Q: I've already been through quite a bit with my husband of 4 years. He cheated on me before we were ...
  A: First of all, I think you need to take a second thought about staying with this man. You say that he ...
Sex Before Marraige2/2/2008
  Q: I need to ask a question for my friend. He is 33 years old, Muslim, lives in Pakistan. He fell in ...
  A: The Koran and the Bible are very different. I do know that in some Muslims countries women who have ...
Repeated Adultry2/1/2008
  Q: My husband and I have been married for 19 years. We both came from good Christian families (my ...
  A: I have been in a situation like this with a first husband, so I understand what you are going ...
adultry1/30/2008
  Q: i was caught 3-4 month's ago cheating with a woman that was basically a groupy. i had kept in just ...
  A: What happens when we walk in sin is that we reap the consequences of it, and others around us reap ...
adultry1/27/2008
  Q: I don't mean to be a pest, but I have no one to turn to. I appreciate your recent frankness because ...
  A: No problem, that's why I am here. Emotions are a powerful thing and we can allow our emotions to ...
adultery1/19/2008
  Q: I wrote to someone a week ago and never heard back. I started looking around, my first time here, ...
  A: The Bible says that we have all fallen short of the glory of God....we all sin. So when we do , we ...
adultery1/18/2008
  Q: I wrote to someone a week ago and never heard back. I started looking around, my first time here, ...
  A: Did he just stop seeing you all of the sudden and start in with this new girl? Why do you say that ...
Cheating Wife1/16/2008
  Q: I met my current wife (Nikki) 2 years ago and I fell madly in love with her from the moment I laid ...
  A: I do have to say that you must love this woman dearly. When someone cares this deeply for someone, ...
Cheating Wife1/14/2008
  Q: I met my current wife (Nikki) 2 years ago and I fell madly in love with her from the moment I laid ...
  A: It really helps to get a big picture of the circumstances. What I do want to ask you is about your ...
Can I forgive1/9/2008
  Q: Husband cheated countless times we broke up for a year and now he wants to reconcile our marriage. ...
  A: What you need to do is to set the ground rules for the marriage. If he really wants this marriage to ...
adultery12/29/2007
  Q: i went to a local church and found out the preacher is the boyfriend of a co-worker. i know she's ...
  A: Not an easy situation, to say the least. Are you absolutely certain that these two are having an ...
Emotional affair12/19/2007
  Q: I'm wanting to know a way to end a mostly emotional affair. I am 38 married and work with a man ...
  A: First, let me say that the age gap is way too large, even if he were not married. I don't see very ...
Long Ago Affair12/14/2007
  Q: My wife had a nine month long affair I discovered 30 years ago and it caused a crisis that we met ...
  A: Can you share with me the reasons she had for having the affair? If there is any more you can add to ...
sin of adultery12/5/2007
  Q: i have committed this sin. i am a catholic. i am also well read in the bible. after my divorce, ...
  A: First I would like to say that what the Catholics believe about salvation is polar opposite as to ...
Emotionally Infidelity12/1/2007
  Q: My husband had an emotional affair with my best friend. He's says that it was a friendship. I read ...
  A: God designed marriage to be such that the husband is supposed to guide the way a marriage goes. It ...
Should I stay or should I go11/30/2007
  Q: This is so hard for me to do, but I have to talk to someone before I lost my mind. My husband and I ...
  A: I am so sorry. I know how much it hurts from my own personal experience. So I am can empathize with ...
Please help - I'm the "other woman" and in love with a married man11/30/2007
  Q: I guess this question may be a bit unusual, as all of the postings I've read have dealt with people ...
  A: I do not discount your feelings because I know they are real. They are out of context, but they are ...
Infidelity11/27/2007
  Q: I am a forty six years old married woman with two teenagers. I had been married for 22 years. ...
  A: This is not an easy situation for you. I know the pain and frustration myself. Most men lie through ...
My Brother11/27/2007
  Q: Believe it or not, this situation has ZERO to do directly with me. But, from my studies of the ...
  A: To The Aunt, Thank you for writing. I am going to have to knock the wind out of your sails a ...
marriage advice10/25/2007
  Q: I have been married 15yrs. My husband was working out of town and met another women in a bar who ...
  A: Let's see...your husband is on drugs, he hits you, he is living with another woman in adultery, he ...
adultery10/17/2007
  Q: my name is Amy and I have a husband that I know has cheated on me several times but will lie to no ...
  A: I would love to tell you that this will all turn around, but it would take God to shake him up. I ...
adultry10/10/2007
  Q: First let me say I am a Christian and want to live as God would have me to. I am having a really ...
  A: Your husband sounds like a habitual offender. He cannot be trusted. If he really wants your ...
How to accepted the on going affairs10/9/2007
  Q: How do I accept the on going affairs that my husband keeps having. He doesn't know that I know that ...
  A: You have some major issues going on in your marriage. How long have you been married? Why haven't ...
My soon to be ex wife9/3/2007
  Q: My ex and I have been going through on this divorce!! I'm not wanting too. I wasn't the best ...
  A: I don't really know too much about your situation in depth, so it's hard for me to comment. I do ...
adultery9/1/2007
  Q: I had sex with my wifes brothers wife I have never done anything else in our marriage wrong ...
  A: Good Morning, The Bible is clear about God withholding his wrath and judgment during this ...
Adultery or Not?8/28/2007
  Q: I have a female friend who has been divorced now for some 14 years. Her ex-husband was physically ...
  A: If the man is still married, this is adultery. Since they are sleeping together and not married, ...
cheating husband8/23/2007
  Q: I recently found out my husband had been cheating on me for the third time ( that i know of) the ...
  A: I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know how badly it hurts. I have been there myself.. ...
cheating from my wife8/21/2007
  Q: I have been an unfaithful husband, and I have been cheating so many times and my wife does not know ...
  A: I am glad that you are taking some steps to try to overcome this problem. I say the word "problem" , ...
adultery8/8/2007
  Q: rev. lemler, my ex married the woman that he cheated with. he told me he did this to hurt me for ...
  A: This is an excellent question. I am sorry that you went through such a hard time in this situation. ...
Adultery/love triangle...7/31/2007
  Q: I recently went on a vacation with my exhusband and 3 kids. We have been divorced for 3 years, and ...
  A: You are in a difficult position here with no easy answers. Someone is going to get hurt, either way ...
Should I confess to spouse?7/23/2007
  Q: I have been married for 11 years and have a daughter who is almost 3 years old now. I am a strong ...
  A: This is one that does not have an easy answer and I certainly cannot make this decision for you. ...
step daughter physically attacked my daughter7/23/2007
  Q: Rev. Kim, I have e-mailed you not long ago about my future step-daughter. Well, things finally went ...
  A: Jesse is the source of all of these troubles. She needs help , now. Those children need to be taken ...
my husband commited adultery7/19/2007
  Q: how do i forgive. i don't know if this was his first time, but it is the first time that i got proof ...
  A: I have been where you are at right now...and I know the feelings of betrayal, anger, bitterness and ...
adult soon to be step daughter7/18/2007
  Q: Please someone help, My fiance has two children which are all ready grown and have families of ...
  A: You have a daughter to think about and she is your first priority. So staying away from Jesse is ...
adult soon to be step daughter7/17/2007
  Q: Please someone help, My fiance has two children which are all ready grown and have families of ...
  A: This is not an easy situation for everyone involved. As long as Jesse continues this behavior, there ...
my husband cheated with consequences7/11/2007
  Q: what do you do when you discover that your husband 7 years was cheating on you with a family ...
  A: I'm so sorry for your pain and these terrible circumstances. What did he test positive for??? ...
How to divorce your exhusband emotionally7/3/2007
  Q: I am recently divorced from my exhusband who cheated, used drugs, and abandoned my daughter and I. ...
  A: Welcome to the world... I cannot tell you how many people go through what you are going through now. ...
phone sex:legally adultery or sexual deviant behavior6/28/2007
  Q: My husband and I have been married for a year and I am six months pregnant. We have fought ...
  A: Your husband has no clue what it means to be a real man. I am so sad for you. He needs a good kick ...
cheating pastor6/1/2007
  Q: This is the second time that I know of my pastor cheating. He is cheating with my friend from the ...
  A: You are a watchman and I commend you for this. We are to hold our pastors accountable. The answer ...
Rebuild5/30/2007
  Q: .. I dont know where to begin because my situation is a mess. I am in a process of getting a ...
  A: Well, this does seem to be a tangled mess, as you say. Let me help you untangle it. First, I ...
Cheating Husband5/10/2007
  Q: I have been married to a pastor for alittle over 2 years. I have discovered that he has been ...
  A: This is an easy one to answer. Read Matthew 18:15-18. If I were you, I would be out the door before ...
is erotic massage cheating4/25/2007
  Q: While my boyfriend of one year was away on a business trip i snooped through his things and found 2 ...
  A: I don't have a lot of information to go on, but I will tell you what I think from reading what you ...
Embarrased, Ashamed, and Trying to Forgive4/5/2007
  Q: My husband of almost 8 years has always had affairs. I was raised in church and taught that you ...
  A: Without hesitation, this is clearly a case of a man treating his wife like a doormat. He has been ...
Two Adulterers3/28/2007
  Q: I am married and have been committing adultery with a woman that is also married and committing ...
  A: Well that was a lot to take in! I think I pretty much follow your story. I don't think I really ...
How do I get past this?3/28/2007
  Q: My husband and I have been married for 2 years, together for a total of 7. We have had some ...
  A: This whole thing sounds so fishy to me. It really sounds like there is some kind of affair going on, ...
I'm About to Get Married, But...3/28/2007
  Q: I'm supposed to be getting married next week, but I am hesitant because just last night some girl ...
  A: You are in a tough position right now because you are pregnant with this man's child. It is ...
Two Adulterers3/27/2007
  Q: I am married and have been committing adultery with a woman that is also married and committing ...
  A: . Thank you so much for writing. Sin always separates us from God. When we sin, we feel we want to ...
hopeless caused by affair3/23/2007
  Q: My husband committed adultery 5 years ago, and he has just admitted it last July. The only reason ...
  A: I want you to find a different doctor RIGHT AWAY. The side effects of these drugs are not good, and ...
hopeless caused by affair3/23/2007
  Q: My husband committed adultery 5 years ago, and he has just admitted it last July. The only reason ...
  A: I believe I can help you. I do want to know the rest of the story first before I go into detail with ...
adultry of the heart3/8/2007
  Q: .. its me again... I think you should know why I understand my wife's reluctance to forgive me so ...
  A: I think you are right when you say that statistic is higher. With all the "in your face" photos and ...
adultry of the heart3/7/2007
  Q: . its Ron. Thank you for you quick response. I really appreciate the fact that you have such a non ...
  A: A woman's memory about things is long...she really needs to seek help in overcoming this. What I ...
Followup to question about your opinion about adultry.3/6/2007
  Q: . its me again. I was asking you about betrayal of the heart vrs the physical act of adultry. I also ...
  A: I am so happy that you have someone to whom you can be accountable. This is great. This area is such ...
adultery3/5/2007
  Q: My husband has been incarcerated since May 8, 2004, I have been tormented by him this entire time. ...
  A: My question to you is this: Do you want to stay with a man who is in jail (for how long? and what ...
Is my husband cheating on me?3/2/2007
  Q: I have a feeling my husband is cheating, but I am not sure. He text messages a lot and he erases ...
  A: If you have a feeling that he is cheating, he probably is. Women seem to have a good intuition about ...
CHEATING HUSBAND2/4/2007
  Q: REV. LEMLER, I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT WHEN CAN I START TO TRUST MY HUSBAND AFTER HE CHEATED ON ME? ...
  A: I am happy to hear that your husband has agreed to see a counselor. This is a good sign. Don't ...
help!1/25/2007
  Q: My husband has been caught many times online and such watching or viewing porn. i have told him how ...
  A: Usually when someone is caught doing something they shouldn't, they deny it and then get very ...
My husband was talking to another woman!1/22/2007
  Q: Well when I confronted him he said he's talked to her about three times only.When I was gathering my ...
  A: I know how hurt you are. It hurts deeply to have a husband look another woman's way. It really is a ...
My husband was talking to another woman!1/21/2007
  Q: What should I do,I looked through my husbands phone because I had a feeling that he was talking to ...
  A: When you say he was talking to this woman, was this "friend" talk or "girlfriend" talk? Is he having ...
Adultery (I commited it)1/16/2007
  Q: Today, I just betrayed my husband, not even 30 minutes ago, and that is what made me look up this ...
  A: . You made me a bit dizzy reading this...what a tangled web!!! First of all, my first concern is ...
I have a deep gut feeling that my husband is cheating on me with ex wife!1/14/2007
  Q: Here's the problem with getting his phone records. He works with the Law and he has a gov't issued ...
  A: If you have a gut feeling, then more times than not, you would probably be right. Outside of hiring ...
Pain in My Heart1/10/2007
  Q: My husband & I have been married for 10 yrs. We were having problems in our marriage, just a lot of ...
  A: I know the pain is very strong right now. I'd say that if your husband is crying and wants to make ...
Adultery1/3/2007
  Q: I just found out that my husband had an affair that went on for 13 months. It was with his ...
  A: I surely know what you are going through because my first husband was having an affair with his ...
I have a deep gut feeling that my husband is cheating on me with ex wife!1/1/2007
  Q: We have been married for 3 years and we dated for 3 years.It has been a rocky marriage. HE won't ...
  A: If you can somehow get the cell phone bill sent to you e-mail, you could see the calls made on it. ...
I have a deep gut feeling that my husband is cheating on me with ex wife!1/1/2007
  Q: We have been married for 3 years and we dated for 3 years.It has been a rocky marriage. HE won't ...
  A: Happy New Year! Thank you so much for writing to ask a question. I really feel for you because I ...
Getting Out12/31/2006
  Q: I am with a guy who is most of the time really good to me. However, he is the kind who thinks VERY ...
  A: You asked for my advice so I am going to give it to you, and I won't beat around the bush. ...

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Pastor Kimberly Lemler

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Expertise

I am an Ordained Minister, Bible Teacher, Life Coach and Pastoral Counselor. I have a radio program called God's Healing Power where I teach on various topics, and I also write for 2 columns. Self Help CD's are available on our website. Counseling services are also available.

Outside of AllExperts I can be reached at: www.GodsHealingPower.org

Experience

At least 1/4 of people who ask me for help on this site actually look at the answers. We volunteers spend MANY HOURS answering mail and our time is valuable. I will be on hiatus from All Experts and can be reached for counseling services through our website, GodsHealingPower.org.

Publications
I have a column in several newspapers.

Education/Credentials
Indiana University, BS 1984 Victory Bible Institute Currently working on a PhD

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