Expert: LM - 4/13/2007

Question
Hi, my name is David and i am Vietnamese but i live in America. I am having multiple problems with African American boys of my age and older(i am 14). It seems that when they approach me, they comment on my physical appearance (i have a cleft pallet) and they are always angry towards me. I think that the reason they mock me is that they have problems of their own and by making fun of me, makes them feel better. I would like to know why African Americans are hostile towards me and others of Asian decent. I have asked for friendship from some african american boys but they still mock me. Is it the way i look or something else?

I really want to avoid thinking bad things about african americans but i just cant help but think "maybe they just hate me".

How do I avoid Racism toward African Americans when they just make me so mad sometimes. The mocking and teasing is extremely hard to just shrug off.


Answer
First, let me offer you my profound apologies for the bad experience that you are having. There are many things that I can say about this question, having had the *same experience* as you (in spite of my being black) but I don't want to overwhelm you.

1. A lot of black people just aren't very nice. I don't know why this is, but we are often the same way with each other. I've had NOTHING BUT bad experiences with other black people because of my accent (I speak the Queen's English), and get asked all the time "Why do you talk that way?" My experience in high school/ junior high was extremely negative *all the way through*.

If you watch something like American Idol, you'll see that most of the audience is white. If there is a performer that they don't like, they'll just wait until he leaves the stage and nothing is said. But if you watch a black program like "Showtime at the Apollo" that is essentially the same thing as American Idol, you'll see that if the audience does not care for the performance they'll boo/ jeer the performer right off the stage.

Another thing that you'll notice (which I think is related to the current situation, but may seem unrelated) is that when you see the situations in many African countries: Those black people have NO PROBLEM with killing each other. Think Rwanda. Think Uganda (Idi Amin). Think Zaire (where the President was assassinated by his own son). If I had a quarter for every time some black head of state publicly executed his opponents or executed as many members of the opposition as possible, I'd be retired by now. (If you want a good example of this, watch the movie "The Last King of Scotland.") These are extreme (but consistent) examples of very hostile behavior. It just so happens that in these cases all the people are black and so are hostile toward each other.

It may have something to do with hormone levels (blacks are thought by some-- notably JP Rushton, whose work "Race, Evolution, and Behavior" you might like-- to have higher levels of hormones). In that case, there really is nothing you could do about it.

I might also remember most of the members of my mother's family. They are NOT nice people-- and they are all black. Coincidence? I don't know. I've had it go both ways (where the person who is unpleasant is white instead of black), but it seems that a lot more often than it should be (if it was just by chance), I have bad experiences with black people-- especially the women. There may be something to it (but this will sidetrack my answering your question).

2. If you choose to not associate with black people, that is nothing that you have to apologize for, nor anything that I would condemn. I myself do not bother with them and don't have any interest in black women-- and this is because of bad experiences throughout childhood (and they were probably a lot nastier to me than they were you). If your experiences with black people have been overwhelmingly bad, and that is something that you know from first hand experience, then *no one* can tell you to "just shrug it off" because you are dealing with these negative transactions first hand.

Think of this in another way: If you went to see a doctor that was going to do a surgery on you and was *stone drunk* (this is just a hypothetical example, so bear with me), you would obviously not even let the anesthetist into the room to sedate you. And this is because *something* is telling you not do to it. To state it in another way: The cost of rejecting the services of this drunk doctor out of hand is far lower than what might be the costs of letting him operate on you. So, by extension: There may be some good and friendly black people, but the cost of sorting through so much trash far exceeds the value out of what you would get from transacting with these good black people that you might find. And if you decide that your time is worth more than foregone relationships with black people, then that is something that you don't need to apologize for.

3. A lot of minorities in black environments have had bad experiences. This is an article that I read a few years ago that is relevant: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/753041/posts

4. When you get away from your environment (which may be in a ghetto area), you will find that there are more educated blacks who will be more genteel. I don't seek these people out in any case (for reasons that are not relevant to your question). One thing I can say for sure is that if you go to any university and take a degree in Engineering or something mathematical, that will be a sure way *not* to see black people.

5. So, in summary, if you choose to avoid black people at all costs *that is something for which you don't need to apologize/ offer explanations-- or even articulate for that matter.* Just nonchalantly don't be bothered with black people as much as possible in order to minimize your negative transactions if most of those negative transactions are to be found among black people.

Feel free to ask any other questions, and I'm glad that I can be of help. My email address is: Lpm100@yahoo.com and you can talk to me on Yahoo Messenger if you want. I'm currently in China (and will be returning after I have married a Chinese wife), and so there is a time difference, but I keep odd sleeping/ working hours.