Expert: LM - 7/1/2006

Question
how come blacks mainly go for light-skinned or non-black girls? Are we not good enough?

Answer
An answer of more character.

This is something that requires thought.

1. I'll say that most black men, given the choice, would not choose black women. It's not clear to me what the reason for this is, but I've seen it all around the world (having lived in several countries). Currently, I am living in China and there are lots of Africans here teaching English. I have only seen one black man with a black woman the whole time I've been doing this (which is 3 years). Most black women who do this for a living will actually find a Chinese boyfriend (or a Japanese one that I saw during the time I was in Japan) before they will find a black one here. (I know that there are Chinese men who are interested in black women both in China, Indonesia, and Malaysia.)  This tendency of black men to select fairer skinned/ non black women could have something to do with biology (as in "sexual selection," which is an evolutionary biology term that you may or may not know). What I notice is that: even in the case where everyone is the same race (say, here in China) that the lighter skinned Chinese girls will find boyfriends a lot faster than the darker ones. (You do find some darker skinned Chinese girls. I don't know why, but it happens.) When I've asked Chinese people about this, they will say that if a woman is dark it's a "problem," but it is not if a man is dark. Even in countries where everyone is white, it seems like blond haired and blue eyed women find takers just a little faster than other types of women.

2. It is not just black women that lose out. In the United States, you'll see that most Asian girls are to be found with white men. (It happens that I live in China for the express reason that I can have all the Asian women that I can get my hands on.) People will say that this has something to do with "standards of beauty," but I don't think so. In Britain, over 50% of the black men there marry white English women-- and most of them are nothing to look at. Obese white women that I've met that live/ work in Africa (and who I would DIE before having sex with) find IMMEDIATE takers among the African men.

Living here in China, there is ALWAYS someone, somewhere that is interested in black men. The Africans that I've met here do very well with the local women (and the local men DO NOT like that one bit), and even I myself am able to find a fair number of different partners.

3. I do have some other black male friends, and a universal comment that I hear from them is that black women just rub them the wrong way. This is an experience that I've had-- FREQUENTLY. In fact, I've had enough of these to write a book. If you're a man and you're trying to find a woman you'll realize that: Most women will say "No" to whatever advances that you make. It is in your best interest to minimize the amount of time/ effort that you'll have to spend getting a suitable woman. Certainly NOT ALL black women are shrewish and overweight (black American women are the version with which I'm familiar), but if you are a black man you might think: "I can avoid a lot of undesirable choices JUST by ignoring all black women and not miss much."

4. If you cannot find a black man, all hope is not lost. If you take away the constraint of wanting your partner to be black, there are many other men to choose from. Most white men (in America) are not interested in black women, but there are some that are. Depending on your temperament/ presentation, you might find a taker from among them. It does go both ways. There are quite a few black women that are not interested in black men (and that's fine). There is one that writes on a discussion board that I read frequently who is into Asian men and has lived in Korea and China. She says that she couldn't find as many choices as she wanted in whatever country she was from (I think it was Jamaica), so she moved to where the men were. Here in China, there are SO many men that statistically some of them just have to be interested in black women. (And there is a huge excess of males to females in China, so if you are a woman there is ALWAYS someone to choose from.)

I hope that this answers your questions a little more clearly.