Expert: Kalua - 11/15/2001

Question
I am a white woman married to a wonderful black man and we have 3 children together. I was intrigued by your expertise statement. What exactly is the "matriarchal phenomena unique to African-Americans?" What are your feelings concerning interracial families?  

Answer
Most black families are headed by black women as our men are missing in action either, prison, other races, homosexuality or lack of responsibility.

I have lived with a Swedish man for 3 years in my past.  My current boyfriend is Native American.  I'll let my life speak for what I feel about LOVE>  

This is a patriarchal society with men being the head of household, in the pulpit, in the Catholic church, in today's society.  The black family was the first family to suffer from the "sexual revolution", free sex, no committment.  This left many black women to raise their families on their own.  My mother is a single parent as my father was abusive and landed in prison.  The older generation of blacks suffered from this problem as a result of slavery and the socialization of black men to "tomcat" to produce strong offspring with many women.  Although in the 30's, 40's and 50's this didn't seem to affect strong black families who married and raised large families.  Many grandparents reared the children of their young pregnant daughters.  Inner city blacks experience this problem at a greater frequency than any other group as the man is absent in both support and presence.  The old adage, "It takes a village to raise a child" no longer mattered.  

In the south there are still many family units which flourish and do well, but with the lack of committment of most men (of any race) the family unit is changing and more and more women are raising their children alone.  The statistics show that this first occurred with black women.

As a black woman in her thirties I can count on my fingers the number of men of the same socio-economic background and education as myself who look to me as a companion preferring to "marry up" which is what a lot of black men with identity crisises do.  I date outside of my race because that is who asks me out and I have found love in those areas.  The fact remains that the "matriarchal phenonmena" which you ask about quite defensively is a fact and not a personal issue with me.  Many of my friends are having problems finding eligible black men who don't prefer to marry a white woman like yourself.  As an attractive woman I could care less if you are married to a black man or not as I have no problem attracting and dating other men.  Congratulations on finding a good black man, as they say he is a hard thing to find.  I hope this answers your question.