Expert: Coninyah B. Dew L.Ac., M.S.O.M. - 7/13/2009

Question
My daughter seems to be having a problem with anger.  She is almost 8 years old and she will "go off" when things don't go her way.  She only does this with her grandmother or myself.  She will not do it to her Dad (we are married).  And I want to add that her grandmother and myself both discipline her.  She really has a major outburst of anger when this happens.  I have been taking her to an acupuncturist and I thought she was getting better but today she was back at it!!!  Do you have any suggestions?  I bought some Bach Flower Remedies but I have not tried them.  Thanking you in advance.

Answer
Hello Lisa,

Thank you for your question. I do have to say that I do not have children of my own and that my experience is through my interaction and observation of parents and their children. As such, I would not claim to be an expert. Based on what I have observed, first, all parental figures in her life have to be in agreement on what is best for your daughter. If that agreement is not there, one of the adults will be undermined in the eyes of your daughter. That type of dynamic will also undermine anything that I would recommend. Secondly, your daughter should be genuinely heard. I think sometimes as adults we can short circuit that listening process because we have had a rough day, the child is pushing at our own unresolved issues, or simply just not wanting to be tested in that moment. Ultimately, there is something your daughter is trying to communicate. In that communication, your daughter should also be provided reasons for the discipline being given. Try giving her options when appropriate. In the case of disciplining, each option should be unpleasant which also begins to create an atmosphere for your daughter taking responsibility for her behavior.  

You may also consider working with essential oils. Lavender is a very good oil for calming and balancing emotions. The oil would be placed in a diffuser so that it is dispersed in the air. A few drops per day in the area your daughter is most is often sufficient. Try it for a couple of weeks to see if you notice any differences. If you find that anyone is allergic to this option try a different oil, such as pine or sandalwood.

I do hope this has been helpful. I do wish you all the best and I would be interested to hear how it goes. Please feel free to ask for additional suggestions if needed. Be well.

Regards,
Coninyah B. Dew L.Ac., M.S.O.M.
Acupuncture Stress and Pain Management Practices