Expert: Paula Damgaard - 1/16/2008

Question
QUESTION: Paula. I emailed you in December. Mom with dimentia. Long story but I'll make it short. but it is important to let others know what can happen when you try to seek help. Alzheimer's Assoc, social workers, nuring home administraor etc. said to have Mom admitted to the hosp. for evaluation. Phyc. held Mom for 72 hrs. Mom said no information be given to husband or daughter. Law protecting patient(HIPPA). The psyc. Dr. did call Dad said she could be having strokes due to changes on the MRI, brain injury from previous pulmonary and cardiac arrest but has mild dementia and is able to make decisions on her behalf. Thats okay. some days Mom is good ,others no so good. Mom went to assisted living. Im okay with that but today Dad age 85 after 61 years of a good marriage. Dad recieved divorce papers. Mom has had mood swings, personality chnages, thinks dad is trying to steal from her. So if Mom refuses to get help and continue to say there is nothing wrong with her. Be aware as a family there is nothing that can be done. You must have to be so far into the dementia that you don't know who you are. So Mom is so upset she filed for divorce today. The system has failed my family. Barb

ANSWER: All I can say is God what a mess!  I would recommend you calling the Alzheimer's Association in your area and asking them for a geriatric lawyer to help you get through this mess.  You gotta love those people in black suits that make these stupid rules and no have idea what the fall out is!!  I am so sorry for all of you.  Perhaps the lawyer will be able to subpeona the psychiatrist so that she can be made incompetent and that would help you.
Please let me know how this goes.  Good luck Paula

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Paula, Dad and I met with a lawyer. Mom can file for divorce. We can file for an Psyc. eval but if basically knows her name she is intitled to a divorce, and half of Dad's net worth. Also any settlement due to her previous accident is not part of their total estate. So We are dealing with not only the loss of Mother but may need to sell property, cash in investments. Lesson Mom chose love of money and fear of losing it (dementia) over her husband and family. Please let others know of the possiblility when you try to help a demented family member that it my backfire.

Answer
Barb, believe me I do!  This is such an awful disease and unfortunately no one in the "legal" world gets it.  Unless something like this happens to them they cannot envision it happening at all!!  

I truly am sorry that your poor dad is going through all of this.  Thankfully he has all of you.  I wish there was something else I could say or do.  Please keep me posted.  Paula