Expert: Mary Gordon - 11/19/2008

Question
My dad has been in the hospital for a week and one day now.  They took him off his nutrients and fluids on Monday night at 5:00.  He has been diagnosed with dimentia or alzhiemers, I've heard them call it both, now they are saying he probably has lewy body disease.  He has been diagnosed for about six years now.  How long will it take for him to pass since he is not getting nutrients now.  He is very small, like 100 lbs and seems so miserable.  I wish I could do something.  I am spending all my time with him and feel like he knows I'm there.  Do you think he knows?  I am so devastated and am trying to deal with this, any answers you can give me would be greatly appreciated.Thank you so much,Kris

Answer
Hi Kris,

You poor thing, I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

Dementia is a word that just describes symptoms. When someone has a dementia, it just means they have some kind of mental impairment making them confused and forgetful. It doesn't tell you what the cause is, so it isn't a diagnosis. Its like having a doctor tell you you have a fever, but not telling you what the cause of the fever is. So, his dementia was caused by Alzheimer's disease or Lewy Body Disease - and those last two are the probable diagnosies. Most people have heard of Alzheimer's, but haven't heard of Lewy Body, but its actually not that rare. People with Lewy Body often hallucinations that seem real to them.  

Here is some information on Lewy Body http://www.helpguide.org/elder/lewy_body_disease.htm
and here is some information about Alzheimer's
http://www.helpguide.org/elder/alzheimers_disease_symptoms_stages.htm

Sadly, at this point, it doesn't really matter which it is, since either one of them would be enough to  bring him to the point he is now - and sometimes people have more than one cause of dementia going on at the same time.

Now that he has stopped taking in fluids, he will probably pass away within the next day or two. I know you are afraid he is suffering, but in many ways, its harder on you than him. He won't feel anything, and he won't really be aware of what is happening to his body - he is past feeling hunger or thirst. He is also past the point of being afraid or worried - so I'm sure his mind is at ease.  My mother in law went through a very similar last few days. Everything shuts down, and they drift into a coma. It is usually a very gentle and peaceful passing.  

He knows you are there even if he can't tell you so - just surrounding him with as much loving kindness as you possibly can. What's more important is that you know you are there, and when you look back on this, you will know in your heart you did everything you could to honor him, to ensure his dignity, to make his last days peaceful and comfortable. He knows.  He loves you and he's proud of you, wherever he is - and he's ready to go. He knows you will be okay. He must have done a good job as a dad to have raised you to be so caring. You were both lucky to have each other.

Hang in there. This is the hardest part for you and your family. Soon he will be free. You are doing the right thing by him.

Mary G.