Expert: Mary Gordon - 2/7/2008

Question
mom is talking to people thats not there and she is scared all the time. is there any thing we can do and is this normal for end stage 6 ?
we put her in a home Saturday but she got out and we  went and got her . we found a women to stay with her at night.
at the home she left the house at 1am .this was a private nursing home. we know this could happen any where but it was her very first night there.did we do the wrong thing by taking her back home?
im sorry i have so many questions its just we don't want to do the wrong thing .we only want to do what is best for mom.
thank you
sandy

Answer
First off Sandy, it is TOTALLY terrifying and unacceptable that your mother just "got out". Any facility that takes on dementia patients absolutely has to have fool proof security. In the unit my mother in law was in, they had security key pads on the elevators and all exterior doors (i.e. you had to punch in the code to get anything to open). Patients who repeatedly tried to escape wore special colored t-shirts so that visitors and staff would know who they were, and not open doors for them. The place had someone on the front desk 24/7 watching the door. They had pictures of known wanderers posted at the desk. They also put "wander guards" on all dementia patients so if they DID get as far as the front door and somehow get out, the bracelet would set off an alarm immediately.

This facility is absolutely NOT the place for your mother. Its criminal - I would report them to the state. I'm not kidding. Think about what could happen to a person who is confused and who gets loose. They could die of exposure. They could get hit by a car. They could get attacked by some criminal. Knowing that your mother has dementia, there is no way they should have taken her on as a resident unless they could provide appropriate security for her. After all, the point of the whole thing is looking after her and keeping her safe.

So, you did the right thing taking her away from there. However, you do need to consider placement for her, since the problems with her that are causing stress are not going to get better, but worse. Having someone sit with her at night is a very good idea - but what will you do as she declines and needs more and heavier physical care. If you find the right place, that is better equipped to house and care for a person with dementia, you will have more confidence about moving your mother. When you do find a good place, you will have to give her time to get used to the place and adapt.

Have you contacted the local Alzheimer's Association and asked about what facilities in your area that have good reputations for looking after dementia patients? They might have some thoughts about how to find the right place in your area. You can find the chapter closest to you by going to this web page.
http://www.alz.org/apps/findus.asp

Hope this helps

Mary G.