Expert: Michalene Peticca - 6/21/2008

Question
Hi can you help   My partners ma who is 89 recently about six months ago started to be forgetful and repeating her self at times.  She was aware that she was forgetting things such as where she put her purse etc.   She has lived in her home for 56 years. The family decided to put her into residential care her own flat six weeks ago but the way they did it i was not in agreement with they just forged ahead with out taking her opinions into consideration. Now she is refusing to use the cooker because it is electric previously she cooked every day, refusing to use the washing machine and wearing the same clothes for days she used to be a very smart woman and was the first to criticize if you wore any thing shabby looking.  Is not eating much.  She is very angry and has episodes of shouting which i have never heard her do.  I don't think this is down to her dementia but getting back at a family she feels has let her down she is very hurt and has gone so far as saying she does not want to see her daughter again.   How can I advice them Do you think should let her go back to her home where she says she was happy.

Answer
Hello CAS,

Thank you for writing.  It sounds like your friend's mother is having a very difficult time right now.

I would be more apt to believe that she is suffering from depression and anxiety due to recent changes in her overall environment.  Some forgetfulness at 89 is common.

I would urge a family meeting to discuss the reasons why it was decided that residential living was more beneficial...perhaps there is more reasons that what you know.

Perhaps then, it may shed some light onto what is the best situation of a living environment for her.

Best Regards,

Michalene Peticca, M.A.