Expert: Michalene Peticca - 8/14/2008

Question
my dad is 88 years old and he is a vetran, but he isnt eligible for nursing home care thru them he has medicare but I don't know how to go about getting him into a facility. he was a very abusive(physically beating)father and he was already 54 when i was born,he raised me alone even though I have 7 siblings who all live within 3 hours of us. I'm sorry sometimes its all a little overwhelming. he also has sundowners and the other day he called me and said time stopped at his house then he forgot how to turn on the lights. help im really needing to vent

Answer
Hello Lecie,

Thank you for writing.  It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time right now, and i applaud your willingness to help your father.  Just stay focused on the present and what his needs are...remember, the past is the past....your a good person to ask what will help him.  

There is a long waiting list for veterans to enter veteran approved facilities...it sounds like you want to pursue nursing home options for your father.

Your first step is to contact facilities in the area in which you want your father to reside (phone book or online references are the best) and go out for a tour.  Their Admissions director will help you walk through the process of placement.

If you have a good rapport with a family physician, you may want to ask this physician if a hospital stay for your father is needed.  It sounds like he may need some review for his medications and/or physical well-being.  He then could be placed into a nursing facility from the hospital.    This is where his Medicare would pay for his hospital and possibly part of nursing home stay.

If neither of those two ideas are feasible, i would contact your local Area on Aging for a caseworker to come out and help you.  You can find their listing in the yellow pages under the "government" section...or call your local courthouse to be referred to them.

Wishing you the best,

Michalene Peticca, MA