AboutMary Gordon Expertise Several years direct experience as caregiver for family member who died of end stage AD. Did lots of research and dealt with a lot of health care professionals and caregivers over the 7 years from diagnosis to the end. Used various care options from community based resources to increasing levels of institutional. Mother of three, two born during our loved one's decline, so I know what it is to be the ham in the sandwich, taking care of the older generation and the younger at the same time and trying to balance everyone`s needs. Ask me, I`ve probably been there, done that. We made lost of mistakes and learned everything the hard way - but you don`t have to! If I can`t answer your question, I`ll steer you to a place or person who can.
Experience Currently a program manager for a large utility company. My Alzheimers experience comes from having the illness in our family. Out of necessity, we did a lot of research in order to understand the disease, plan for what might come next, and make the right decisions to help and support our loved one. Please note, I am a Canadian living in Toronto, and therefore am not the best person to ask about US regulations and insurance rules!
Question My friend is 75 yrs. old. She cannot remember things from yesterday, yet she remembers things from 40 yrs. ago. She realizes something is wrong. She also has very delusional thoughts about things that just happen(She changes what people say to make her story sound good.)She blames the forgetfulness on being depressed. She is a wonderful person,but I am worried about her.
Answer Francine, you have very good reason to be worried about your friend. What she is displaying are textbook perfect symptoms of a progressive dementia. She really needs to see a doctor and get properly assessed and diagnosed. There are many causes of dementia besides Alzheimer's, and some of them are treatable and even reversable. Even the ones that can't be cured can be slowed down in many people, to give them more independence and a better quality of life longer.
It's also important to know what is wrong with her so she and her family can make good plans. If she has an incurable dementia that is going to progress, she needs to get her affairs in order, and get things set up so someone trusted can look out for her interests when she can no longer make her own decisions. A visit to a good lawyer can also help the family make sure her money is preserved for her care, and help everyone understand the insurance rules where she lives. She may also want to make sure her wishes and preferences are known, to help her loved ones make sure she is cared for the way she wants to be.
If your friend is not able to help herself, or can't see her own challenges, I would strongly urge you to call her family, and express your concern. This is about your friend's health and safety, and that is far more important than anything else. In very short order, she may be in real trouble trying to look after herself, and may even be in danger from her own appliances, medications, driving, strangers who might try to take advantage etc. etc. Quite often people with a brewing dementia really can't understand that there is anything wrong with them, even when those around them are really alarmed.
I don't mean to scare you, but this is really serious, and if you love your friend, you will both encourage her to see a doctor (perhaps you could volunteer to go with her if she might have trouble explaining to him what's going on), and make sure someone in her family is alerted. Quite often, if a family does not see the person very frequently, and the person can carry on a good social conversation on the phone and seem like themselves, the family may not realize that anything is wrong until they get a call from the doctor, from a neighbor, from the police, or from a dear friend like you. You'd hate to say nothing, and find out later she might have been helped with an earlier diagnosis, or worse, have her experience something awful, like a serious kitchen fire because she forgot to turn the stove off, getting lost on her way to the store, or even a drug overdose (the last one happened to my mother in law!!).
Hope this helps- she's lucky to have a friend like you paying attention!
