Expert: Paula Damgaard - 5/9/2009

Question
How can I get my mother to drink liquids?  She is in her 7th year.  There is no communication and she makes faces and refuses to drink.  She only eats a PB&J sandwich a day and maybe a pudding cup or 3 cookies, dinner is a protein shake made with ice cream, protein powder and a banana. But, no liquids all day other than the shake.  I have tried literally every possible liquid.  Can you help?  Sincere thanks.  Sherida

Answer
Dear Sherida, I wish I could.  Would she take the shake more than once a day?  Even though that isn't pure liquid it does have liquids in it.  Sometimes as the disease progresses it is harder and harder for them to swallow liquids, so it is recommended that they receive them via puddings, applesauce etc.  something that is a little thicker.  

The other possibility is that maybe she has had enough.  I truly believe that somewhere in the dementia they know enough is enough and even though they can't tell you they do things to show you.  I think you have probably been an amazing caregiver and your mom probably really appreciates it, but your focus now should be on giving her the best quality of life you can and forget about quantity.  If you could have asked your mom 15 years ago if this was the way she would want to be, what do you think her answer would be?  

Spend time with your mom, massaging her and talking quietly, allowing her to relax and then try to get a bit of something into her.  Patients react to the energy around them, if they sense that you are uptight (knowing it is going to be a struggle to get liquids into her) she will pick up on that and tighten up.  This may help you get more into her.  Or not, which then goes to my thinking that she has had enough.  Respect her wishes.  

Hope this helps.  Let me know how it goes.  Take care of yourself.  Paula