AboutPaula Damgaard Expertise I can offer families and caregivers non-diagnostic answers to questions regarding the disease. I travel around the state giving courses on Alzheimer`s disease for nurses and CNA`s.
Experience
Past/Present clients I have coordinated Alzheimer's Clinical drug trials since 1987. I have coordinated the Memory Disorders Clinic since it's inception 1994. I also have personnal experience from caring for my mother who died of AD 5/2000 and presently from caring for my mother in law who was diagnosed in March 2000.
Question My mother is seeing a neurologist for nearly two years now. She is very charming and sensible in his office. However, she is experiencing times of paranoia, suspicion and claims that she didn't use to be in her right mind but now she is. Mom has always been kind and gentle but now she says some things that are very derogatory and mean. She told me that I was waiting for her to die so I could get her money. I thought she needed more control so, I gave her her checkbook so she could write charity checks and I will balance the account for her. That worked miracles! It's okay. I understand. She spends time working up scenarios that are not true and then says that she is compelled to say them because she feels better afterward. The last time we visited the neuro she was so charming (she is cute!) that she told the doctor it was silly for her to come more than once a year. Now, with these recent changes in the past two weeks, we need to go see him again and we will. I will send him an account in the mail of what has been going on with her agitation, paranoia and compulsiveness. I learned this after the first visit. It is not comfortable to be in that spot and then be a target for weeks afterwards and see her so agitated. When he puts me on the spot Mom turns on me and begins saying things about me, our children and that I have ulterior motives for all that I do. I want her to be healthy, happy and live comfortably. Why am I the only one she singles out? My feelings don't hurt easily and I have examined how I feel. My main concern is that she is doing this and it is not like her. Mom also finds something wrong with any new medicine, especially if the doctor says it could upset her stomach until she is used to it. All kinds of symptoms happen, even some that are not listed on the enclosure. I try to redirect, refocus and distract her. Mom chose certain things as "her duties" around the house and she knows that it is really a help. Now, she complains that she is "made" to do them. It would be funny if this were in a play. But it isn't. I try to be creative and also lavish her with love and praise.
Answer I wish I could answer that one! There is no way that I could answer the question as to why she singles you out. Unfortunately, those nearest and dearest get the brunt of the mess! I am also not sure why her doctor puts you on the spot! That is not helpful. This disease is hard enough without "help" like that!
I would suggest you write a letter to him exactly like you wrote to me and tell him how you feel. He needs to know. Unfortunately, rules make us in medicine tell patients what to expect when we order drugs. I know it is not easy for families so I try to explain the meds before the patient comes back in.
You may want to start looking at assisted living centers for her. It may make it easier on all of you especially your children.
