AboutMary Gordon Expertise Several years direct experience as caregiver for family member who died of end stage AD. Did lots of research and dealt with a lot of health care professionals and caregivers over the 7 years from diagnosis to the end. Used various care options from community based resources to increasing levels of institutional. Mother of three, two born during our loved one's decline, so I know what it is to be the ham in the sandwich, taking care of the older generation and the younger at the same time and trying to balance everyone`s needs. Ask me, I`ve probably been there, done that. We made lost of mistakes and learned everything the hard way - but you don`t have to! If I can`t answer your question, I`ll steer you to a place or person who can.
Experience Currently a program manager for a large utility company. My Alzheimers experience comes from having the illness in our family. Out of necessity, we did a lot of research in order to understand the disease, plan for what might come next, and make the right decisions to help and support our loved one. Please note, I am a Canadian living in Toronto, and therefore am not the best person to ask about US regulations and insurance rules!
Question Recently, Mom moved from an assisted living facility to a nursing home and I think her friends should be notified by
us, her family. How do I notify her friends without compromising her dignity? e.g. She no longer recognizes friends/family, nor can she perform any daily tasks without assistance. I would like to notify them via mail.
Answer Hi Michelle
Maybe you could include the new address and perhaps a few encouraging words for potential visitors. My mother in law had so many friends - but once she started to advance in her dementia they stopped visiting, as did many family members. I think it was more than fear and grief that held them back - they just didn't realize how much very small things could mean, or how they could interact with her - that they didn't have to stay for hours, or do very much to have a positive impact.
Your mom is still here, and there are things people can do to make her life a better place. Just a thought but could writing something like this be helpful:
I've moved! It would mean so much if you could take time out of your busy day to think of me. I'm glad to have visitors even for just a few minutes. Your kind voice and smile say so much to me, even when I don't understand your words. I can enjoy a hug or a hand to hold. We can look at pictures together, or listen to music, or watch the clouds and birds in the garden. You can make memories of me, even when I can't remember. Whatever you do will be a gift. I'm so glad you've been a part of my life.
Jane Smith and Family
I'd also include contact information for you, including a phone number, for those who aren't up to visiting, and may just want to ask after her and let you know they think about her, and your family.
I don't know if this helps or not - I know how hard this is.
