Expert: Paula Damgaard - 3/4/2010

Question
My wife has told me for several months she was concerned about her loss of memory and alzheimers. I wasn't concerned because, up until recently it was just like everyone else I know, occasionally forgetting a word, or where you placed something, or what you were getting ready to do. But it would always come back.

In the last 2-3 weeks it is definitely different. We watched the Olympic hockey game, 5 minutes after it's over she's asking me when the hockey game will come on. We had that conversation many times.

Our grandson came over and we had a really good time laughing and joking. 1/2 hour later she didn't remember we had done that and sworn it didn't happen.

We had several times where every 5 minutes she'd ask me the same question and when I reminded her I had answered that before, she had no memory of it. That would go on for 20 minutes to a half hour, repeating about every 5 or so minutes.

THings are different now because when they go out of her memory they go away permanently.

I tried to get her to go to a doctor but she won't. She's always been that way about any issues. She doesn't like to go to doctors, and looks at it as a weakness rather than a way to take care of yourself.

I called my family doctor and asked for an appointment for myself, to get advice. Simply, I wanted to know if he thought these kinds of simptoms were things I should force her to come to him, and if he thought this was alzheimers. His nurse called back and said he would not meet with me to talk about her without her present under any circumstance. I told him I wasn't asking for her private information, or to treat her, I just wanted to ask what he'd do under this situation, and should I just demand her to come in (not sure that would even work).

She went through about 2 weeks of pretty major forgetfulness. This week she has times I'd say she's almost normal.

She did see a packet come in from the Alzheimer's association today and she's spent the whole day attacking me about how bad my memory is and that she's not as bad as I am. Justifying her memory to me and herself. But she won't discuss any of it with me, nor go to the doctor.

I understand that it's important to get to the doctor as soon as possible. So what can I do when she won't cooperate. She's not totally off the wall, in fact, she's pretty normal most of the time, but has these little spells of memory that just disappear and never come back.

Answer
Hi Alan,
Just so you know she isn't really any different than most patients with this disease.  They don't like to go to the doctor!  

Since you have the info from the Alzheimer's Assoc.  tell her that you are making an appt for yourself to be seen by a memory doctor (I would find one in your area rather than going to your doctor- doesn't seem like they are clued in to dementia!) Tell her that she has to go with you because she has to verify everything that you say.  When you call and make the appointment, tell them what you are doing, tell them that you would be happy to make two appts one for you and one for her if that is what they need to see her.  Tell your wife they won't see you unless she comes.  

Usually that works.  I hope it does for you!  Paula

If you don't know of any doctors that specialize in dementia, call the Alzheimer's Assoc and ask for a referral.  They should know the doctors in your area that specialize in dementia.