Expert: Mary Gordon - 5/3/2010

Question
Hello my father is turning 70 and for the first time ever in my life he did something today that was not normal at all. he actually put on music and started dancing with me which was not bothering me until I felt his pants get a hard on and he poked me and when I tried to stop dancing with him he wouldn't let me go and kept rubbing up against me. I don't know if maybe I am over reacting but this doesn't feel normal to me and I feel disgusting and violated. I didn't want to say nothing to him because I didn't want to embarrass him or hurt his feelings because maybe it could be medical reason for his behavior. A friend of mine said it could be alzheimers so I was hoping you could help me out. Please tell me how can I help him and what he can do to help himself. Are there pills he can take?
This is the first time he did this so I am letting it slide but if it happens again I have to do something because I have a 4 year old daughter and we all live in the same house hold.
He just kept insisting I dance with him even when I kept saying no he would try to pick me up and he was walking around with a hard on all day until he decided to take a shower then he acted normal again.
My mom works out the house and she just started this job 2 days ago and I work from home I feel like I should tell my mom she should quit her job and stay home with pops cause then he will not try nothing. I dont know I am confused and need help.

Answer
Hi Emily, the brain is a very delicate thing. There are many causes of progressive dementia and cognitive disfunction other than Alzheimer's. In Alzheimer's Disease, the first sign is often memory problems.

In some of the others, most noticably the frontotemporal dementias (FTD), the first signs can be personality changes, and a disregard for proper social behavior and for the feelings of others. Poor judgement, inappropriate sexual advances, or a coarse demeanor may be seen. So, to give you an example, a minister who has always been very proper may start telling dirty jokes or hitting on the ladies in the congregation. It is as though they have lost their sense for what is socially acceptable and lost their inhibitions and self control. They start doing whatever enters their head. They don't seem to realize it's wrong or upsetting. Sometimes people who have this problem brewing will start scratching their crotch or taking off clothing in public, not seeming to have any idea things like that are not done in front of other people.

I don't think you are over-reacting. I think you do need to talk to your mom. If something like this is going on with your dad, and he is behaving like this in front of his own daughter, I would also very very worried that he might do this to a friend or neighbor who will immediately call the police and charge him with assault or molestation. I would also be extremely nervous about leaving my daughter alone with him, at all, even for a few minutes. My take is no matter what this is caused by, until you know exactly what is going on, he can't be trusted with your daughter.

Your dad may not be able to help control his own behavior. If he has any thing affecting his brain, he might not even realize what he is doing. He could even have had a small stroke in an area of the brain that involves self control.

Your mom may have noticed other subtle changes in your dad's behavior that you might not notice yourself. Is he having trouble in other social situations? Challenges with personal hygiene? Is he avoiding certain activities? Having some trouble finding words? You have to talk to her about this - and you can say just what you are saying to me, that you are worried about him and wondering if something medical is going on that could cause this very out of character and upsetting behavior.

Your dad MUST be seen by a doctor and the doctor will have to be told what has happened. If your dad does not believe he has a problem (which can happen with brain impairment no matter how obvious it seems to you that something isn't right) your mom or other family member might have to go with him to talk to the doctor. The doctor can do some tests and send him to a specialist for a more complete assessment, including a psychiatric review.

Your mom staying home with him is not the answer. He needs medical assessment right away. If he DOES have a progressive dementia, there are medications that can slow down the progress somewhat in some people, but do not reverse the problem or cure it. However, you don't know what you are dealing with just yet and many things will have to be checked for and ruled out before you have a proper answer.

Should anything like this happen again, I would be very clear and firm and direct with him that you won't put up with this and he has to stop - I know you were trying to protect his feelings. I would label the behavior and tell him this is not appropriate. Get him to a doctor.

Hope this helps.

Mary G.