Expert: Michalene Peticca - 6/5/2011

Question
We recently had to place my mother in a "memory care facility" .  My mom in  73 .  She has only been there for two weeks and "hates it there, wants to go home".  The care she is getting is great she just says she does not fit in.  Whey I see her she doesn't in the sence she is mobile etc.  She is prob. in stage 5 of Alzheimer's.  Did we act to soon?  It breaks my heart.  She needs to be watched so she eats, showers etc.  What can we do to help her transition?

Answer
Hello Charlene,

Thank you for writing.  I am sure this is a very emotional and difficult time for you and your family.

Let me first say, that two weeks is very little time to make a determination if it was the right decision to place your mom.   Wait two months and then review again.   I think i can count on one hand the number of people, in all my 27 years in healthcare, that wanted to come into a facility.  Your mother's expressions are quite normal given the situation.

What is most important to consider is, is your mom getting the care that she needs?   Is she better off physically and is she safer than being out in the community?   Is she having more opportunities for a structured envrionment and social interaction?    If you answer yes consistantly to all of these, then i believe your mom will adjust.

Please also consider that many Alzheimer's folks "improve" in a structured memory care environment.   That is because a true memory care environment allows the person to draw on their abilities left and strengthen their security through consistant, structured daily routine.   It is "muscle memory" for the brain.   So, you may actually see a peak of performance in your mother after several months.

Stay the course and have patience.   In the meantime, bring in activities for you and your mom to do together while you are visiting (ex. scrapbooking, picture reviewing, puzzles, easy card games, etc.)

Best Regards,
Michalene Peticca, MA