Alzheimer`s Disease/caregiver to dementia patient
QUESTION: Hello Cindy I live with my sister motherlaw She 81 years old I am her caregiver She has dementia She is preety independent phiscally health is good ,but not mentally She has a daughter that is really good to her She takes her to appointments does everything she can for her But sometimes she call her and she argue an get her upset and in tears And i feel like that is not right I don't know if the daughter feels like she cant belive Her mother mind is slippping away And she cant do anything Or she not able to help her anymore I just don't understand I myself have already lost my mom And I know how hard it is to lose a parent I feel like im kind of middle with this is my sisiter mother law I'am doing the best I can do takig care of her
I hope I explain this to where you can understand it Thank you Carolyn
ANSWER: Hello Carolyn: I'm very sorry to hear of your dilemma with your family. It sounds to me as if her daughter is in denial about her mother's mental decline. I think it would be good if you could sit down with her privately and have a conversation about what the doctor says on those visits. Does she have a diagnosis of some type of dementia, like Alzheimer's? If her daughter tells you she does not have a dementia diagnosis, I would then inform her of what you are seeing on a daily basis. Give her examples of just how her mother's memory is affected, and how it is worsening. She then needs to have a dementia work-up by her doctor, and possibly be put on medication to help delay the progression of the disease. Also, it's important that her daughter begin to read about dementia. Knowledge is power and she will be able to feel more comfortable once she knows what's going on and learns ways to cope better. I know that it's extremely difficult to come to grips with something like this in your parent, but once you can do that, you begin to feel more in control. I recommend my first book "Love, Laughter, & Mayhem - Caregiver Survival Manual For Living With A Person With Dementia" for her to read to learn how to better communicate with her mother. There are many other books out there that she could benefit from as well. She can learn that arguing with her mother is exactly the wrong thing to do, but she must be able to accept the fact that she has dementia first. I wish you much luck Carolyn as you continue to help your family in this crisis.
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QUESTION: Hello Cindy thank you for answering my question so quick Yes the daughter does know her mom has dementia And her mother has been diagnosed with it And is on medicine I read your answer And the daughter And I talk a little about her mom today And i brought up about how we talk to a dementia patient If we try to tell how to do something That get them more upset we have to be more calm and attentive to them And she open up to me said she just feel like her mother is slipping away She losing her day to day Know that hard for her And she says she try to explain her mom something the doctor told her And her mom doesn't remembers And that get her upset I know it all on her shoulders And she been under alot of stress other situations She told me she need to talk to her mom try not to tell her what she need to do explain it I told maybe try a softer toner voice Thank you for your help and great information I will tell her about your book And I'm going to get it for me It sound like a alot of laughs And with this disease that helps Carolyn
Hello again Carolyn: I'm glad you were able to have that conversation with the daughter. She will continue to be under a lot of stress so the sooner she learns how to more appropriately interact with her mother, the happier and more calm they both will be. I also give family consultations via phone if she feels she would like to speak with me more in-depth about these issues (she could speak with me via email initially at email@example.com). I recommend she join a caregiver support group where she should be able to find a lot of support and answers to some of her questions. Bless you Carolyn for hanging in there with your family and trying to find some answers. Cindy