Alzheimer`s Disease/Controlling anger

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QUESTION: Hello Thankx for being there for helping us

My Grandmother has some calcification near her brain or in simple words she has calcium deposit near her brain. Her symptoms are similar to dementia. She is yet to get proper treatment. we don't know if it is cure able or not...  

Problem is that she talks alot , she is afraid of being alone so she is follow me or anyone all time. This makes me angry and loose my temperament . She ask same question again and again till the point someone looses their temperament. But she don't forget what other person has said in anger. She pretends that she has forgotten everything.I don't know how to cope with it but it too hard to be with her. Once i tried to answer her every question but by 5 in evening i felt as if someone has pulled my hair or head from back. I am usually quiet most time and talking too much make me loose my temperament especially when it same question. I can assure you that you will loose temperament also if you happen to see her more than 3 days .

But i want to know how to deal with her in better way. Without loosing my temperament. I avoid answering her questions but that even at the end make me fed up and angry.

Regards
MJ

ANSWER: Hello Mahreen:  I'm very sorry to hear of your issues with your Grandmother.  I know very well how terribly frustrating that can be!  It sounds as if these "calcifications" are what is causing her to continually forget conversations.  If that is truly the case, then your Grandmother has some damage going on in her brain and no amount of explaining or anger will make it go away or get better.  She's probably not "pretending" that she forgot--she really cannot remember the conversation.  If it's possible, I would suggest you take her to see a neurologist to see if there is anything that can be done about this.  If there is nothing to be done, then unfortunately, you are the one who must change.  Because of the damage in her brain, she cannot change, so you must change the way you are interacting with her.  I have some suggestions:
Try to spend some time away from her every day so that you can relax and stop the constant talking;
Find some things that she enjoys doing that will help to keep her busy or engaged and that will help reduce the constant talking;
Play her favorite music and encourage her to sing along;
See that she gets some type of physical exercise every day--even if it's just walking;
When you begin to lose your temper, that is a sign that you need to step away and take some time to relax.  Anger is a normal response to this type of stress, but it doesn't help in any way and makes everything worse.  That is why you need to get some time away every day, so that when you return, you are able to smile and answer questions.  Sometimes instead of answering a question, you can change the subject.  For instance, if she has asked you (again) "What are we having for dinner?"  You will begin to get frustrated if you've already told her several times, but instead of telling her again, maybe if you said something like "Are you hungry now?"  If she says she is hungry, then you've just discovered the reason she keeps asking about dinner and you can then get her something to eat.  This would help you feel better about figuring out what she's truly asking for, and it would make her feel better because you aren't upset with her.  
I wish you much luck Mahreen as you struggle to find some peace within your Grandmother's world.  Reading my book "Love, Laughter, & Mayhem - Caregiver Survival Manual For Living With A Person With Dementia" would be helpful because it has many, many examples in it.  Another book called "Creating Moments of Joy" written by Jolene Brackey is also very helpful in giving tips for ways to create more joy rather than stress in the life of an elder with these issues.  
Please take care of yourself Mahreen.  Cindy


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello thankx for ur reply  maam

Is it possible that my grandmother is faking a few things. Cox after asking same question so many times she admits that she just wanted to have some chat. She never forget if someon is angry cox then she become less loving to such person. She often know the answer to her questions.cox when we  answer her question she suggest correct answer of it. While telling us that we should be saying it in reply. She never looses her temprament. She is usually calm even if other person is about to explode with anger.she hide things she like and consider them her things. If those thing are taken back she gets angry. She thinks she may die if left alone and is afraid of dark. She always want someone to be with her and she follow me everywhere which irritates me .alot . Today I was changing clothes and she started knocking door when I came out I asked her to use other tailetdidnt but she saiddidnt wanted to go to toilet and started smiling.
She dontits like fan on thouits hot. In her memory her mothers life story is mixed with hercown story.

Answer
Mahreen:  Yes, it's really difficult to know if she has a type of dementia, or maybe she just has something in her brain that is causing her to act like this.  Either way, I know it's very hard on you.  Again, I urge you to get away from her every day for awhile.  Maybe hire caregivers to come in and keep her company, or else take her to an adult daycare, if you have access to one.  I wish you much luck Mahreen.  Cindy

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Cindy Keith, RN, BS, Certified Dementia Practitioner

Expertise

As a nurse and dementia consultant, I can answer most questions on all types of dementia. If I cannot answer your question, I will attempt to find someone who can. My passion is to help caregivers of people with dementia, which in turn helps all those wonderful elders with dementia live better lives. When caregivers are better educated, they are able to better care for themselves and their loved ones, so education is key to decreased stress levels and healthier, happier families.

Experience

I have worked as a nurse in various disciplines of nursing for over 20 years, most of which was with the elderly. I was a health care coordinator in a dementia dedicated assisted living facility for 4 years before I started my own business (M.I.N.D. in Memory Care) as a dementia consultant six years ago. As a dementia consultant, I help families nationwide through phone conference calls as they struggle to care for their loved ones with dementia.

Organizations
Alzheimer's Foundation of America Geriatric Interest Network Sigma Theta Tau International

Publications
Published "Love, Laughter, & Mayhem - Caregiver Survival Manual For Living With A Person With Dementia" which is a collection of stories about people with dementia I have known, loved and worked with. Every story has a lesson to teach and this book gently teaches family caregivers lessons about how to better care for their loved one, as well as themselves during their caregiving journey. Published "Love, Laughter, & Mayhem In Eldercare Facilities: The Master Key For Dementia Training" Created "Bringing Nurturing To Memory Care" staff dementia training video Created Ebook: "Hair Stylist's Helpful Tips For Working With People With Alzheimer's & Other Dementias"

Education/Credentials
Registered Nurse with Bachelor's degree in Nursing; Certified Dementia Practitioner; Author of 2 books and an ebook

Awards and Honors
Sigma Theta Tau National Honor Society of Nursing

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