Expert: Michalene Peticca - 9/30/2006

Question
Dear Ms. Peticca,

My mother-in-law has Dementia or Alzheimers Disease, her doctor is not sure which one, but at this point it doesn't matter. The doctor insists that it is best for my mother-in-law to live in her own home.
As a result my brother-in-law is doing all he can to keep her in her house. Presently there are two women who stay with her 9:00 am - 4:00 pm Monday - Friday. Another woman lives in the house and is paid to feed her and bathe her. My bother-in-law partially covers the weekends.
My mother-in-law now eats only baby food, must be dressed by someone, and assisted with personal hygeine in the bathroom. She is incapable of sitting for any length of time and all doors must be double deadbolted to keep her from leaving the house.
At present, my mother-in-law spends a total for 6-8 hours alone each week. Someone must call every 20 minutes and reassure her that she is okay.
Her doctor knows all this and still says she is better in her home - do you agree? I think this a a dangerous situtation. My brother-in-law does not want her to go to a home - he says the change will cause her to deteriorate rapidly. Is this true? I have said nothing to my husbands fmaily - but the situation seems to call for her move to a facility- what do tou think?
Thank you for any input you can give - I appreciate it.  

Answer
Hello Catherine,

Thank you for writing.  It certainly sounds like your family is very caring about your mother-in-law.

I do feel there are very good nursing homes around and some do have options for specialized Dementia care residences. However, this is a individual choice for families and i would suggest having a family meeting to discuss this option.  

Perhaps you may want to tour some local nursing homes to see if some of your questions or concerns are answered about nursing homes.  You might be surprised at the activities, socialization and overall care options.

It definately is a lot to think about, and i wish you well on this decision either way.

Best Regards,
Michalene Peticca, MA