Expert: Paula Damgaard - 5/16/2006

Question
Mom is 83 and besides memory loss & confusion is extremely paranoid.  Even though I have changed all the locks, installed alarm system and put in a camera, she is still convinced that my sister is breaking in and stealing things, re arranging things and sometimes even bringing things back that she has previously stolen.  I am basically the only one of 9 kids that she trusts and I am on a thin edge.  She seems competant to keep up the house and garden but doesn't want to leave the house because my sister might get in.  She has had a thyroid condition for years and wants to get her pills but the doctors won't give her her normal perscription without a examination. (She above all doesn't trust doctors and is afraid they will cut off her leg like her friend Mary - Long Story) At the least I would like to get her her Thyroid medication because she is getting worse without it.
Any ideas on how to get the medication?  and any ideas on how to ease this paranoia? reason doesn't seem to work.

Answer
Kevin, you are absolutely right!  Reasoning will NEVER work!  You can't reason with an unreasonable person.  

Paranoia definitely goes with the disease.  You say that you are the only one that she trusts in the family, is there anyone else outside the family she might trust?  That you could tell her this person could come over and watch the house so your sister doesn't do anything?  You will get a lot further with her if you buy into her ideas.  She is in her own world and there is nothing you can do to get her to think clearly, so forget it!  Go into her reality.  If she wants to believe the sky is purple - it is a beautiful shade!  If you can make her "trust" you more, than you can get her to do what you need.  Tell her you went to that doctor and told him/her they are definitely not allowed to cut her leg off, that you will sue them if they do!  Say whatever you need to say to get her to go, just ound reasonable.  You are playing a game now, she has to play cause she is a team player, but you have to win, so no matter what you have to do to win is fair.  

You should make sure that the doctor knows exactly what is going on with your mom, and what you need, such as the thyroid medicine, and that she needs something for her paranoia, such as a mild antipsychotic, such as Seroquel, or Risperdal.  

I hope this helps you.  I know this is hard!  Please remember the saying: you can't reason with an unreasonable mind and there is no method to the madness!!!  Good luck.  Paula