Expert: Paula Damgaard - 3/5/2005

Question
Some background:
I'm sending this from our home in Colorado, my Mom has Alz and is now in stage 4 but lives with my step-dad in California. Mom is almost 81, Dad is 77. We visited them last week and returned home on Tuesday March 2nd so we have recent in-person observations.

For quite some time Mom has been fixated with family photos that hang on the walls. The doctor said it was ok as long it was a pleasant thing for her. Talking to pictures of family members which hasn't been a problem until the last few months but she's tried cooking food for them and tries to feed the pictures. Then she's upset that the pictures are not repsonding. My step-dad said that today (3/5/05) she walked out of their trailer (where they live) with my picture and pushed him away while she walked over a block to a restaurant to order food for me. My step-dad couldn't keep up with her (heart problems) so he drove along side her for protection. He sat in the restaurant with her and ordered food, they ate a little & then he took her home. A few minutes later she forcibly pushed her way passed him and again walked to the restaurant with my picture. He again followed her in the car and explaine the situation to the workers and returned home with her. Tonight she's acting like nothing happened.

Questions (small and large):
1. Would it help or hurt to remove all photo's from the walls?
2. Is this a definate sign that she needs professional care 24hrs/day?

Thanks so much for listening.
Don McDowell
Son of the Mom in the above story.
jeeperdon22@yahoo.com

Answer
Hi Don, sorry this has taken me so long to respond I was out of the country for awhile.  

I would definitely suggest you remove the photos.  This stage will probably disappear, but it is way too stressful for your stepfather to handle.  Everything should be done to make his life as easy as possible.  

As far as needing 24hrs/day care, your step father sounds as if he needs help due to his own medical problems.  Caring for someone with Alzheimer's is more than a 24 hour job.  She should at least be in daycare or have some relief during hte hours when your mom is most active.  

I would also suggest that you start looking into places that are available should your mother need to be placed.  It is better to look into them now while things are relatively stable so that you are comfortable with the places available, and many good ones have long waiting lists so getting her name on one now is important.  Since your step dad has medical trouble, the chances that something could happen to him are higher and then what would you do?  Putting her in daycare would atleast give you more time to do these things cause it would allow your step dad to rest.  

Also make sure that you have your mother's power of attorney, durable power of attorney, in case something should happen.  Now with the new laws it is harder and harder for families to help get information to care for their loved one.  If your mom isn't able to give it, speak to an elder care attorney about what should be done now so that there won't be problems later.  

Also you could contact the local Alzheimer's Assocaition, both where you live and your parents, to see what programs are available.

I hope this helps.  Let me know if you have more questions.  Paula