Expert: Paula Damgaard - 12/18/2007

Question
Mom has dementia/alzheimer's disease, but in her mind there is nothing wrong with her. I have talked with her physican and his hands are tied unless she is willing to ask or admit she has a problem. meanwhile my Dad is 85 with health problems too and he is taking care of her. How do I get her help when she is in denial. She does do any of the things she used to, like cooking, laundry, reading cant write the bills any more. If my Dad or myself tries to talk to her, she will threaten to leave, divore or husband, file abuse charges etc. She tried to put a restraining order against her daughter when I asked her what is happening. I just don't know what I can do legally if she tries to harm my Dad or herself. and do I help her and Dad. Helpless in Minnesota

Answer
Barb, my suggestion is to talk to a geriatric specialist lawyer.  He/she would be the best one to help you get the documents in a row.  This way when you have to go to court to get guardianship of her the process will already be started.  

Also I would wonder about her doctor.  Does he not see anything is wrong?  For him to say he needs her to admit something is wrong is ridiculous.  I have met very few demented people who are willing and or able to admit that!!  I would also suggest you call the local Alzheimer's Association, you can find the number in the white pages.  They will be able to help you in ways of dealing with her.  They may also know the name of a lawyer.  

I hope this helps.  Good luck.  Paula