Expert: Paula Damgaard - 8/2/2004

Question
I am moving my parents to the city where I live, and my mother, who has Alzheimer's Dx is adamantly refusing to move. In addition,she has become paranoid and tells my father that I won't take care of them and that I want their money.

My concern is that when my parents' household packed and on the way to their assisted living apartment, my mother will continue to refuse to go to and will not get in the taxi to go the airport.

She denies that she has Alz. Dx and will not see a neurologisy or psychiatrist. She also refuses to take medication prescribed by her primary care physician which could help with her symptoms (especially the paranoia).  Any suggestions, ideas, strategies?  Thanks, Debra

Answer
Debra, I hope this works tonight.  I tried to answer you last night but it wouldn't work!

Debra, isn't this life fun????  My mother wouldn't take the Aricept that was prescribed for her AD either. She told us it wasn't any good and was causing her to get worse.  Then one of my sister's friend's mother told my mother that Vitamin B was good for her memory and that she should take it.  We went and bought a bottle of Vitamin B emptyed it and filled it with the Aricept!  She never suspected and took it everyday.  Is there a friend that your mother would trust who could play along with you and do something similar?  It is worth a try!

As far as the move goes - stop talking to her about it.  If possible have your parents "come for a visit".  Perhaps you could have them come before the actual pack and move and have your Dad go back alone to supervise the move, then she wouldn't see it or be in the way.  The thing with this disease is that they act so "normal" that everyone feels liek they need to include them in everything.  This has to stop.  For her own safety and your sanity!  Stop asking her and just tell her like this was the plan all along and you are surprised she doesn't remember!  Make it light.  

The way I got my mom to come in and be diagnosed was to tell her that I needed "normal controls" for my study.  I told her that she would get paid for doing the testing, bloodwork, Cat scan, etc. and whenever my mother was going in for the tests I would pull the tech aside and tell her to give my mother the money when she was done and tell her thanks for helping us out.  My mom was pretty happy to get all the money.  This generation likes money.  Being children of the depression money speaks alot.

I hope this helps you.  If not let me know and I will try to think of some more ideas!  Good luck.  Paula