Expert: Paula Damgaard - 1/13/2006

Question
My 85 year old mother has hd. My brothers and sister want to have her moved around between us...like 3 or 4 months with one and then go to anothers home for 3 or 4 months. One brother has a drinking problem, the other said that he will hire a nurse to tend to her since his wife has MS.
I think she should live at one place with short visits to see the others. What is best for Mom?

Answer
Donna, I am assuming you mean she  has AD not Huntington's.  When my mom was alive we had her live with us for a month and then with my sister for a month.  That worked fine until it became a hazard.  My mom would wake up really early in the am and walk outside my sister's house to get the bus to take her to day care and it was 3 am.  Here she wouldn't do that cause I drove her.  But I couldn't have her here all the time because I have two floors and we were afraid she would fall down them. So we made the decision to move her to an Assisted living facility.  

Sometimes decisions have to be made for what is the best as far as safety is concerned, which is why I just told you my story.  From what you have said it doesn't sound like you mom is really "safe" during some of her visits.  

I think it is better for them to live in one "main" place, but that the others should then rally around to help the "main" person.  Like hiring a housecleaner, or paying for a sitter so that the caregivers can go out.  Otherwise I am afraid the caregiver could get really burned out.  

Try to get this all worked out and written down beforehand so there is less turmoil later.  Good luck.  Paula