Expert: Paula Damgaard - 10/7/2007

Question
Hi,

My step dad was "unoffically" diagnosed with Alzheimer about 4 years ago. It started with subtle changes like short periods of "spacing out, forgetfulness,falling asleep at dinner, some slight paranoia Ect...

Unfortunately neither he or my mom  them wanted to deal with the situation( I think our of fear) and he did not get treatment. The behavioral changes continued to slowly progress  my husband and I tried many times to convince him to get treatment but to no avail. He has 4 children but they have not seen or spoken to him in 15 years.

About a year ago my mother was diagnosed with end stage metastatic Breast Cancer. She knew early on but did not tell anyone. We noticed her decline, but could not do anything about it because HIPPA regulations prevented us from getting any information from her doctor. By the time she told anyone treatment was not an option.

My stepdad became her primary care giver( how he did this I will never know.)We were able to get them to agree to some in home housekeeping services and did as much as we could to help. Untimetley she went into hospice care and passed away 3 weeks later. He was absolutely devastated my her death.
It has been about 7 months and his decline has been incredibly rapid. He is now in a Geriatric Psychiatric hospital. He has lost his motor skills, has uncontrollable twitches , paranoia, dementia,loss of bowel and bladder, bouts of crying and rage, and often times will not eat. Although he will eat for me, and recognizes my husband and I. His children became involved after my mom passed away but have no real information on his past.

I don't understand how he could decline so quickly and wonder if the stress of taking care of my mom and her death has in any way contributed to his decline.

I am heartbroken to see this man would was so wonderful to me and vibrant become a shell of the person I once knew. I want so badly to help him but don't know what to do. His doctors seen to be at a loss and are trying medications, but nothing really seems to be helping.   

Thank you,


Judi

Answer
Hi Judi. unfortunately there may not be a whole lot you can do.  Even though he may have a dementia doesn't mean that he stops "feeling".  The stress of caring for your mom probably kept him at a "can do" stage for longer than he would have been had she not been sick.  It has never ceased to amaze me how dementia patients can hold on and do what is right until something blows them out of the water.  He is probably depressed as well, because he lost his wife.  he may somewhere in the depths of his brain have given up and just wants to be with her.  Having him at the psych hospital is a good move to see if they can fix his depression, but he may not ever get there.  You may want to consider calling Hospice again and having them give him the best quality of life that he "wants" right now.  

I am sorry you are losing both of them so quickly.  But this happens even in the non dementia world.  I am sure you have heard of people who have lost a spouse and then die within the year.  They just don't think life is worth living if they can't live it with the one they love.  I wish I could give you something more to help you.  Please let me know how it goes.  Good luck Paula