Anglicans/relationships and religion

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Expert: - 5/10/2011


Question
Hi,
I have (had) a boyfriend that is extremely religious. He is a lay reader, youth representative for his diocese and does much more. We have had issues lately because he believes that in a relationship you need spiritual connections along with other connections which i cannot offer. Other than that we are perfect for each other. I have shown interest in his church activities and have offered to attend church on some occasions to support his believes even though they are not my own. I am willing to do anything for our relationship to work but i cannot change my views. Do you think there is anything i can do to help with our religious differences? I really don't want to loose him so if you have any ideas they will be greatly appreciated
- Crystal

Answer
This is an interesting question. Some have said that a couple should have similar religious beliefs/non-beliefs, but I don't agree with that. A spiritual connection is helpful, but it doesn't have to mean subscribing to the same set of beliefs. The key is that you are not opposed to his own beliefs, and do try to bridge the gap. It might help to explore with him the origins of his own faith. Perhaps in doing that he will see that you too are a spiritual person, though perhaps not in the same mold as him.

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Professor Noel Cox

Expertise

I can answer questions on theology, Anglican ecclesiology, and ecclesiastical and canon law.

Experience

I am Professor of Law, and a barrister (advocate). I am also undergoing training for ordination as a priest (in the Dioceses of St Davids and Auckland). Formerly based in New Zealand, from 2010 I have been head of the law school at Aberystyth University, Wales. I am a Distinguished Academic Associate of the Centre for Law and Religion, Cardiff University.

Organizations
Association of Lambeth Degree Holders; Australasian Law Teachers Association; Commonwealth Lawyers Association; Fellowship of Confessing Anglicans; Legal Research Foundation; The Australian and New Zealand Law and History Society; The Burgon Society (Fellow); Credo Cymru - Forward in Faith Wales; The Foundation of the College of St George; The Friends of Canterbury Cathedral; The Friends of Holy Trinity Cathedral, Parnell; The Friends of St Davids Cathedral; The Royal Historical Society (Fellow); The Society of King Charles the Martyr; The Society of Legal Scholars; The Ecclesiastical Law Society; Honourable Society of the Inner Temple; Affirming Catholicism; The Mission Society of St Wilfrid and St Hilda; International Commission and Association on Nobility; Irish Peers’ Association; Centre for Law and Religion.

Publications
Church and State in the Post-Colonial Era: The Anglican Church and the Constitution in New Zealand (Polygraphia (NZ) Ltd, Auckland, 2008); “The Anglican Church and its decision-making structures” [2008] New Zealand Law Journal 121-124; “The Revenge of the Arcane Exclusion Clause: The Civil Registration of Marriage and the Royal Family” (2005) 5(2) Oxford University Commonwealth Law Journal 179-204; “The nature of ministerial authority in the Anglican Church in New Zealand” (2005) 119(2) Churchman 105-136; “The Symbiosis of Secular and Spiritual Influences upon the Judiciary of the Anglican Church in New Zealand” (2004) 9(1) Deakin Law Review 145-182; “Dispensation, Privileges, and the Conferment of Graduate Status: With Special Reference to Lambeth Degrees” (2002-2003) 18(1) Journal of Law and Religion 249-274; “The Influence of the Common Law and the Decline of the Ecclesiastical Courts of the Church of England” (2001-2002) 3(1) Rutgers Journal of Law and Religion 1-45 ; “Ecclesiastical Jurisdiction in the Church of the Province of Aotearoa, New Zealand and Polynesia” (2001) 6(2) Deakin Law Review 266-284; “Authority for the use of the Royal Arms in Churches” (2000) 5 (27) Ecclesiastical Law Journal 408-416.

Education/Credentials
Apart from my legal training I have an MTheol from the University of Auckland (on the validity of Anglican Orders), an MA from the Archbishop of Canterbury's Examination in Theology (a "Lambeth degree", on the basis of the legal authority of the Anglican church in New Zealand), and an LTh from the University of Wales Lampeter.

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