Expert: Tina Volpe - 3/23/2010

Question
We recently divorced.  Long story short ex wife thought nothing wrong with her "cousin" staying and sleeping with her while im working at night.  She wouldnt make him leave when I caught them together.  I left.  She had locks changed.  I divorced her.  I originally wanted to take the family dog since I took care of him and was close to him.  She wouldnt let me.  Now she doesnt want him anymore.  I cannot currently take him but am hoping to get a place soon at which point I could.  She wanted me to take him to a shelter and I refused because I will not show up after not seeing Max for 6 months and then leave and abandom him all over again.  I think he would be very tramatized as well as myself.  Now she says she will have one of her idiot boy friends take him somewhere.  I asked her to make sure he isnt just dumped in the desert or somehting because I know what her friends are capable of and she tells me she cant promise me that wont happen because she doesnt know what they are doing with him.  I think she just might be trying to hurt me by saying that but I am honestly not sure.  I just want to know I am doing the right thing by not bailing her out.  These are consequences of her actions and her responsibility to make this difficult decision and live with it on her conscience.  But at same time I feel obligated to look out for Maxes best interest.  But like I said, I feel it would be too cruel to show up and take him and abandon him again.  Do you think I did right thing and making her handle it and not bail her out?

Answer
Hi James,

First of all, Max's welfare should come first.  He doesn't have choices as we do.  I believe you should take him and find a way to keep him.  He has done nothing wrong and will not understand why he is not with his 'family' any longer.  It traumatizes them, and since he has been a good friend, he deserves to be treated as one of the family.  Act like this is your child because in a way, he is.

Tina