Expert: Lee Meyer - 3/23/2010

Question
We recently divorced.  Long story short ex wife thought nothing wrong with her "cousin" staying and sleeping with her while im working at night.  She wouldnt make him leave when I caught them together.  I left.  She had locks changed.  I divorced her.  I originally wanted to take the family dog since I took care of him and was close to him.  She wouldnt let me.  Now she doesnt want him anymore.  I cannot currently take him but am hoping to get a place soon at which point I could.  She wanted me to take him to a shelter and I refused because I will not show up after not seeing Max for 6 months and then leave and abandom him all over again.  I think he would be very tramatized as well as myself.  Now she says she will have one of her idiot boy friends take him somewhere.  I asked her to make sure he isnt just dumped in the desert or somehting because I know what her friends are capable of and she tells me she cant promise me that wont happen because she doesnt know what they are doing with him.  I think she just might be trying to hurt me by saying that but I am honestly not sure.  I just want to know I am doing the right thing by not bailing her out.  These are consequences of her actions and her responsibility to make this difficult decision and live with it on her conscience.  But at same time I feel obligated to look out for Maxes best interest.  But like I said, I feel it would be too cruel to show up and take him and abandon him again.  Do you think I did right thing and making her handle it and not bail her out?

Answer
Hi,

do you have any friends or relatives that you could give Max to, to foster for you so you can still see him until you have a place for him with you?  I would try to explore this angle.

I can't tell you if you did the right thing.  The main thing to focus on now, is getting your dog to a safe foster place that you can still visit him, and eventually get him back from.  That's got to be paramount over any other things if you genuinely want your dog to be safe, and to be back with you.  You don't want to use your dog to teach her a lesson.  She may decide to give the dog up, or have one of her 'friends' 'take care of it', and then where are you?

Line up a buddy or family member to take the dog for you until you can get to a place you can have him back, and visit him a lot.  Pay whoever's looking after him for the food and any other expenses - try to minimize it for whoever looks out for him for you.