Expert: Joanne - 1/19/2008

Question
Hi Holly,
First of all thankyou for having this site where people can come to you with questions and ask for help...

We found out my daughter had Anorexia back in september last year, it has been really hard to deal with and very upsetting to see her suffer from this dreadful illness.. pam is a very talented dancer and is currently doing A levels. we are in therapy(family) at the moment and my daughter is trying really hard to beat this illness...
we are supporting her as much as possible, but as you can imagine and im sure your aware of arguements do arise because of the pressure the illness causes...
pam has started to gain some weight now which we are very proud of her for,as we are fully aware of how hard this is for her..but it seems the harder she tries to fight the nastier the bad days are when they come..the anorexia just doesnt want to leave her alone, its like its on a mission to destroy her and it wont let go...
Please could you give us as parents some advice on what we can do at home to help and encourage pam to get through this.... whats the best way to handle the bad days when they come and she doesnt want to eat? do we stop her dancing on those days?are there any methods we could use that have worked for you that might help pam...

Its so hard to know the right thing to do that will be of a help instead of a hinderance....

Im really pleased for you Holly that you have managed to come to a Place of recovery now, and its great that you can use your experience of anorexia to now help others...

Many thanks

God Bless

Look forward to your reply

Sally x

Answer
Sally

I am so sorry to hear about your Daughter, but am glad to hear that she is trying to beat this.

I ask you to visit
http://www.something-fishy.org/helping/whatyoucando.php
and have a look at the advice available on this website.  There is also a message board in which you can seek advice from other parents that are going through this with their own children.

As for her dancing, I personally don't think that it is a great idea to basically bribe her to eat.  It may be an idea to sit down and make rules though that state that she has to eat so much to be allowed to dance, or compromise with her, 'capping' the time she can dance dependent on eating.  These are probably great in theory, but I worry that these could lead to more arguements, but at the same time, it is important that you don't completely pander to her every whim

I wish I could have been of more help.  I had bad days, but had a goal of going to uni that helped me recover from the ED.  My parents weren't as involved in my recovery as you seem to be in your daughter's, so can't answer as to what happened that helped me in that respect.

You and your daughter just have to be aware that this is a huge fight, and it can go on for years, but it is important that when these bad days come along, all hope is not lost.  Tomorrow is new a day, and it is important to treat it like that and forget the battles of yesterday!

Please come back if you or your daughter have anything else you would like to ask!

I wish you and your family all the best
Holly