Expert: Ginger M. - 11/22/2008

Question
Here is my story...I have been anorexic for about 3 years. I am 5'6" and my starting weight was 130.  My low weight was 93lbs (this was a month ago).  I ate around 1200 calories a day, but I also ran 10 to 12 miles a day.  I just got to the point where my body couldn't do it anymore and I decided enough was enough.  I stopped working out and felt much better.  This also, was 4 weeks ago.  I have been gradually eating a little more, but I still have not gained much weight(maybe 2 or 3 pounds).  I felt better for a while, but then I got a horrible flu.  I have gotten over that, and I feel like that is a second wake up call to get over this stupid eating disorder!  I guess I want to know how and what I should eat.  I want to binge, but it is the whole control issue. I won't let myself. I am trying to eat very healthy foods, lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, vegetarian sources of protein (I eat mostly vegan), whole grains, etc.  I have researched a great deal about nutrition. Right now, I eat about 1500-1800 calories a day. Am I okay in doing this gradually and with healthy food?  Is it normal for me to want to binge and how should I handle it?  What changes and stages should I expect my body to go through along the way?  Will I ever be able to eat normally again? I can't wait to get my curves back and I am excited and optimistic.  I just want to go back to being healthy and strong!  I appreciate your help and experience! Thank you so much! Sorry I have so many questions!

Answer
Hi Amanda,
Thanks for your questions! I'm so happy you are doing so much to get better, congratulations! No worries about asking so many questions- ask as many as you want. :)

1,500-1,800 calories a day sounds good to me, and doing it gradually (although not TOO gradually!) is how my nutritionist recommended I do it, too. When I was trying to recover, I was really surprised at how hard it actually was to gain weight! My counsellor explained to me that this if often the case with recovering anorexics- we will eat more, but it will still be "diet" food, i.e. things that are low fat. She encouraged me to eat more than fruits and vegetables, particularly protein and carbs. Do you see a nutritionist? I think it would definitely be a good idea, to keep you on the right track and to make sure you are getting what you need (after three years of restricting, I'm know it can't be easy).

I think you're in the States, but this still applies to healthy eating- here's the link for the Canada food guide. It's the guide for the recommended daily servings of each of the food groups for healthy eating. Every doctor and nutritionist I've ever seen has promoted this ...check it out and see if you're taking in the right amounts for your age.

http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/fn-an/food-guide-aliment/index-eng.php

When it comes to changes and stages, in my own experience, I didn't have many problems physically. Some people here have asked me if I gained "rebound" weight, gaining more than my original starting weight, but I didn't- I went back to my starting weight. I started feeling healthier and stronger within a couple weeks of eating normally! The challenges, for me, were psychological- I had to make peace with putting on weight, and I had to trust that eating normally wouldn't lead to me becoming out of control (which was my worst nightmare). I didn't think I'd be able to eat normally again, but I can, and it's great! It's so great to actually not have to spend so much time and energy counting calories, worrying about gaining weight, and trying to plan meals so I stay within my small "quota" of calories each day. Of course there are times when the ED thoughts creep back in, even now, but I'm in a position now where I can reassure myself that I'm doing the right thing.

I think the feeling of wanting to binge is definitely, definitely normal for the point you're at now. You've made a big step- you've gone from abusing your body to making it healthier. My guess is your body is afraid you might revert back to the anorexic behaviour again and it wants to stock-pile! I think this will go away in time- once your body gets used to getting a regular amount of food on a regular schedule (and not having to use all the energy it has in running 10-12 miles a day). Not letting yourself binge isn't a bad thing- often, anorexics who are recovering will pick up bulimic behaviour first. You definitely don't want to go there.

I'm so proud of you for taking the step to recover and for being so excited to get your health, your strength, and your curves back! Life is so much better on this side- trust me. You're doing great!

I'm here if you ever need more support.

Ginger