Expert: Joanne - 12/27/2008

Question
so mid 2007 i weighed 65kg. i was unhappy.
christmas 2007 i started dieting and cutting out unnessesary calories and fat and became vegetarian.
april 2008 i'm too skinny.
may 2008 i started counting calories. i never had more than about 850.
august 2008 i weigh 38kg and i was unhappy. started to try and eat a little more.
september 2008 i started walking. for excersise. not excessive. just for some light exercise.
october 2008 became a vegan.

so now i'm worried because i haven't really been eating more calories/fat but I've gained about 4kg. is it possible these kilograms are from muscle? i have started walking everywhere. i walk about 3km everyday. and i never used to exercise at all and my legs have gotten way toned. the rest of my body is still fairly anorexic looking. maybe a little more muscle though. so am i gaining weight because i'm in starvation mode or is it muscle? all my clothes fit the same as always. i just neeeeed to know if i'm gaining weight weight or muscle weight.
or else i'm just going backwards. i'm trying reaaally hard to get better.

i'm 5 foot 4. and currently weigh 42kg

Answer
Amy

There is a very good possibility that this weight gain is simply muscle, especially if you have noticed muscles in your legs becoming toned and you have started doing so much walking after doing nothing.

I think that the first is more likely, but there is also the possibility of this being weight gain from your body entering starvation mode, but this is slightly less likely.

As your clothes don't feel as though they are getting tighter, that suggests that you aren't physically getting any bigger, indicating that you are more likely just to be developing muscle.

I really hope that you do look at this 4kgs as a sign of you getting better.  I'm hoping that you ask this question as you hope that you are getting better, rather than worrying about gaining weight!

If you are not already getting professional help, then I suggest contacting your doctor or local eating disorder services if they accept self-referrals in your area.  Believe me when I say that it is so much easier when you have someone that is there to support you and make you push past your fear and boundaries.  It is so important that you don't just focus on getting better physically, but also on helping yourself mentally.  As you may have found, the actually physical part of eating isn't too hard, its fighting the battle in your head to get you to the point of the physical act of eating that is the huge war!  I really hope that you are getting some counselling/therapy, or will consider looking into getting some, as to ensure a full recover and help avoid relapses, it is important to treat the underlying causes that lead to disordered eating behaviours initially that really need to be addressed!

Joanne