Expert: Joanne - 2/1/2008

Question
Hi Joanne,
    
My girlfriend and I have been together now for eight months. She is my best friend and I have and always will
do anything to help her during her times of need. The other night she revealed to me that she had a eating
problem. She told me that she will tell her parents that she has too much homework to do and that she can't
go out for dinner. So she stays home and does nothing and does not eat like she told her parents she would.
She is eighteen years old 5'4 and claims to weigh 110. I think it is less than that but thats beside the point.
That is still a very low body weight. She is not even physically fit enough to give blood at our schools annual
blood drive. Also, she told me that she will eat small portions at meals and not snack in between meals often
because she feels overweight. I am a bodybuilder and am constantly at the gym. She is normally there with
me but she will only run or do a workout to burn calories, not to gain endurance or strength. Her main goal is
to only burn those "HORRIBLE" calories. To me, this was a very big shock. I would never have guessed she had
a eating problem. In front of me she always eats normal amounts of food. But, when the next day or the next
meal, she will not eat as much or not eat at all. I am so happy that she has brought this issue to my attention
so I can help her. Her mom would not feel the need to help her in this situation so that is one reason why i
think she has also turned to me for help. But what am I suppose to do? I think I should just listen to her talk it
out and listen to how she feels. But what action can I take to help stop the problem? All I have done so far is
just be there for her and listen. But i think its time i took a more affirmative action.

Thank you,

Ryan

Answer
Ryan

I'm sorry to hear that you think your girlfriend is not well.

All you really can do is be there to talk to and listen to her, giving her support when she needs it.

Would she go to the gym ever on her own, or does she only tend to go when you are there?  Is it possible that you could recommend she cut back slightly on the exercise, or focus slightly more on resistance training in order to tone rather than burn calories.

I think that you should visit www.something-fishy.org and have a read of the info there intended for family and friends to read.

If you feel that you need more advice or need someone maybe to step in, I think that you should maybe think about talking to a teacher or counsellor at school.  I don't know how your girlfriend will feel about this.  She may be willing to go and talk to the teacher with you, but if not, you could go and ask confidentially for some advice.

I don't know where you are from, and am not sure what services in your area may be available, but it may be worth looking into this.

You need to tell your girlfriend how you feel about all of this as well, and offer to help her find help, and that you will be there to support her throughout, but you can't get better for her, she needs to do that for herself!

If either of you have any questions, please get in touch.
All the best to both of you
Joanne