Expert: Joanne - 3/6/2008

Question
HI, i choose not to say my name or any other personal information like that. Im 16 and will be 17 in about two day from now. Ive always had a low self-steem though i am constantly told by very many people how beautiful i am and how blessed and lucky i am to have an athletic body- without knowing my lack of self-esteem. WHen  i look at myself in the mirror i always see a problem, either its my "musculat thighs" or my chubby face. My weight at the beggingin of this year (january) was 125. woaa was that a shocker for me. fat was the first thing that popped into my head. It is now march and i weigh 112. And still feel fat. I compare myself to any girl around me, even if i have the upper hand. I am obsessed with it. I feel sad when i see girls with the legs i want, or the boobs i wish i could have. Almost like a year ago my mom found me outside in the storage room vomiting the food i had just ate. I stopped and never did it again. I recently liked this guy soo much, i mean i was always thinking about him non stop comparing myself to his past girl freinds and just girls he would talk to. They were all thin, not skinny but thin. A nice thin. I want to be thin too, ive always had a curvy body. BUt i want to be thin. I started vomiting again, but i couldnt make it obvious, eating then going to the restroom? No, so i started taking a shower after every meal, i have a cup under the sink and take it into the bath tub and vomit food, not everything, dont wanna get to skinny. WHen im finished i flush it away and finish my shower. I know i should be scared but im not.
I dont want to tell anyonem, that would ruin thier respect for me.
im confused.


Answer
Well Happy Birthday!

I'm not sure of your height, but if you are 5foot or  taller, your weight of 125 is definitely in the normal range, if you are taller than about 5'9, then you are actually underweight!

It is hard to do, but you need to try to stop comparing yourself to other girls.  This guy that you like may seem to like thin girls, but does he want sickly thin girls?  I doubt it.  Even if he does just now, what about in the future?  You will find that guys will want girls with curves, something that you may find you won't have.  Instead you will be pale, with weak bones and possibly a weak heart, an inability to have kids.  You may think that this guy will notice you more if you are thinner, and he may to begin with, but as you continue with this, and try to lose more and more weight, becoming more and more engrossed in the eating disorder, you will lose your personality.  As a person, you can become quite ugly.  You can lose the ability to think of other people and anything other than food and eating.  People don't want to be around people that can only focus on that and nothing else!

Is this guy going to be worth sacrificing who you are and your health for?

Please think seriously about talking to someone about this.  This is dangerous, and can even cause death.  Please talk to your parents, Doctor or even a teacher that you feel you can trust!

Joanne