Expert: Joanne - 9/3/2008

Question
QUESTION: Em I don't no what to say. Well I'm Hanna and I'm 16 years old.Sorry if this is a little hard to read.
I'm haven a hard time lately I cant be myself anymore, I'm pushing everyone out of my life i just want to be left alone. My eating disorder started off by not feeling good enough for anyone was use to always been put down by my family , rejected mostly. Everything spiraled out of control for me i hated going in to school was so depressed, many times i have thought about killing myself but i would never do it and wont. I just cant bring myself to eat anymore, I only eat around people to keep them happy most days i just hide food in my room and chuck it later on. When I do eat I just feel guilty and purge.I don't feel ready to recover yet I just needed someone to talk to because no one understands me not my friends or boyfriend.I just wana be thin and prove that am capable of staying in control of this and I will do it.
Thanks for your time (:

ANSWER: Hanna

I think it sounds like you need professional help, and soon!  To have had suicidal thoughts are never a good thing, whether or not you think you would act on them!  It is important that you talk about how you are feeling with someone and have someone work through these thoughts and issues with someone.

Eating disorders drag you down basically!  You feel as though your family put you down, and that you are not good enough - well you need to show people otherwise!  You need to think about what it is you want from life and aim to achieve that!  You are in control of your future, and therefore you can determine whether you succeed in life or not.  You can allow your family's put-downs to leave you feeling down about yourself, and unlikely to achieve your goals, or you can say to yourself that you are not going to let them get you down anymore, and work on proving them wrong!  Only you are unlikely to achieve all your goals if you are very sick, or dead, through the eating disorder!

Being thin does not show you that you are in control!  Anorexia can allow you to think that you are in control, but in fact, anorexia is taking all control from you!  I have always believed that if anything, eating disorders show that you have completely lost control of your life, and eventually, you will even lose control of the eating disorder, and eventually it will control you!

I think that you need to talk to a Doctor, teacher, counsellor, any adult that you feel you can trust and are in some position to point you in the right direction for help.  As much as you want to be thin, it is not a good look, and it does not solve the underlying problems.  You need to deal with the issues behind the eating disorder.  Try not to push your friends away as you will need their support.  Friends are likely to forgive and help you when they realise what has been going on, but it is hard for them to go through the ups and downs before they know, and some friends are not so forgiving unfortunately.  I am not saying that you need to tell them all about this, all I mean is that you should try your best not to push them away now!

Joanne

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: But I cant talk to someone about this I just cant. I cant take it anymore its all i think about 24/7 loosen weight, how many calories are in sorting foods. My head is all over the place don't no what to do anymore. I have told my friends a while back and they didn't understand me they have no idea 'eat your skinny' like I'm meant to belive it while i hate myself and have been come obsessed with weight.Its driven me crazy comparing others to myself and Celebes like Nicole richie. Theres no point talking to anyone they don't care i wish I could disappear. Now school has started and i cant cop with the stress its my last year and a big one.

Thanks Joanne means alot
xox

Answer
Hanna

I am here for you to talk to, but do not substitute this for 'real-time' help.  Talking to someone anonymously on the web can only help you so much, but you need so much more in order to beat this fully.

Is there absolutely nobody at school that can help point you in the right direction for help?  I'd imagine someone there must be able to help - eating disorders are relatively common in high schools, so even if they don't have someone with the experience to help you, they should know of someone that does.  Your school will want you to do well in life, and that will require you to try and get the treatment you need.

It sounds as though you are trying to make excuses not to get help?  Why?  Why would you not want to try and talk to absolutely anyone about this?  You may think that they don't care, but people in your life will care and will hopefully be supportive, even if you don't find that in your family, there will be people there!  If someone was to e-mail you tonight and tell you that they had eating issues and wanted help, what would you suggest they do?  Can you apply that advice to your own situation?

I went for ages trying to hide my eating disorder, not allowing myself to ask for help as I didn't think anyone would believe me.  However, one day I had had enough!  I went and sent an e-mail to a teacher at school that I thought could help me and turns out they did and very quickly as well!

Please just think about telling someone, or visit your Dr, or have a look online and see if there are any support groups in your area that may be of some use to you!

Joanne