Expert: Nafeesah - 8/27/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi!

One of my roommates and I have noticed that this new girl who lives with us for another week and just moved in about 3 months ago upstairs is throwing up her food..we weren’t sure for a while but we have been watching closely, and yesterday we watched her eat this little plate thing of brownies (probably serves 4-6) and went upstairs during a movie we were watching and we planned to follow her if she went upstairs, sure enough right after she put her plate in the sink she went upstairs and threw up..we could hear it from our rooms and we don’t know what to say to her! None of us feel like we know her at all, because she has only lived with us for about 3 months, and never wants to hang out with anyone, she just keeps to herself and stays in her room..she just graduated high school in a different state and came here to our city to go to beauty school, then she dropped out and she has no job so she doesn’t really have any friends here so we wanted to give her some support and tell her what we have observed and what we think might be going on (even tho we are really pretty sure) but we don’t want her to feel threatened so we aren’t sure how to approach her..would it be better if just one of us talks to her so she doesnt feel as threatened or the both of us who have noticed first hand, so she feels like more of us care? there are 6 girls living in the house, should everyone come?..we also don’t know if we should act like “hey whats wrong?!” and give her an easy out, or to be a little more aggressive and say “hey, we think we know what is going on..” which might make her feel cornered or something..we just don’t know what to do! The other really tricky thing is that we are all moving out in a week, so whatever we do, it has to be quick!

Thanks a lot for your help!



ANSWER: It's time to stage an intervention because you have a possible medical emergency because you don't know how long she's been like this. She needs help ASAP bulimia is serious because women who do this long enough can suffer serious cardiac problems and other issues that's irreversable. I would contact this place called the Rader Institute which is a treatment facility specializing in eating disorders and ask if there's any resources to contacing an interventionist because you and your roommates have seen her binging and then purging what she eats. Approach this matter in a non judgemental way so that she doesnt feel cornered. Yet this is an emergency and you all want to be of some support to her, but at the same time you want to encourage her to seek the treatment she needs to get well. If that doesnt work contact a local mental health center and ask for resources to contacting an interventionist to asist you in confronting your roommate about her eating disorder and convincing her to seek treatment. Other things to look for is use of laxatives,diretics, stool softners, and ipicac stuff many women with anorexia and bulimia abuse constantly. The sooner an intervention takes place the better because you could be saving her life.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi, thanks a lot for the help! me and my other roommate approached her as non-threateningly as we could with still sounding stern with our observations. We told her what we have been seeing and she denied everything. We didn't know exactly what to say besides "well, you know if you ever did have a problem, you could talk to us?" she said 'ohh yeah I know!' and then showed us the door. It is so hard because we don't know anything about her, we have never seen any of her friends and don't know the names of anyone in her family! what should we do! We are moving out in 3 days!

Answer
Women who have eating disorders act like nothing's wrong and that it's ok when in fact what they're doing is a cry for help. Your roommate is dealing with a problem that she's not willing to talk about to anyone. If I am right I think a lot of what her binging and purging episodes stem from her not doing well in beauty school and moving to a place that is unfamiliar to her that can trigger her binging and purging at a rampant rate. The only thing I can tell you is to call a hospital and talk to a mental health counselor and get resources for an interventionist it's time to get this girl some help.

If she's not willing to help herself at least someone who cares can help her. As soon as you get this message call a local hospital and ask to speak to a mental health counselor they can direct you to someone who can do an intervention and expedite if it's an emergency. This will prompt your roommate to seek the treatment she needs and if she needs someone to contact her family at least she's got roommates who are willing to help her out with that. I hope that she will seek the treatment she needs to recover and to get well.