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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Eating Disorders > Anorexia/Eating Disorders > Help please
Expert: Nafeesah - 9/27/2008
Question
I'm so frustrated and sick and tired of obsessing about calories, fat, how much exercise I need to do to burn how many calories, and all of that other stuff. I'm 5'4" and 108 pounds. I feel fat at this weight, even though I know that it's actually pretty normal. I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I sure do know that I have really screwy eating patterns and thoughts and that I have for 9 years. I've fluctuated in about a 20-pound range over those 9 years, but 100 was the lowest I could ever get. And I was NOT healthy at all, getting blackouts and chest pain, seeing spots, my heart would do weird things and stuff. I was 15 then, and 21 now, and even though I've always managed to stay a relatively healthy weight and avoid health problems, I know this is just not right, and I'm sick of food and the "calorie equation" being all I think about all the time. I'm not kidding, no matter what I'm doing, every 30 seconds I have some thought about food or how fat I am or how skinny someone else is, or how many calories does she eat to stay that way??
I always find myself thinking that "normal" women are thinner/weigh much less than I do – how could they look that way otherwise, when I look like a whale with folds of disgusting flab ... I constantly feel inadequate and absolutely horrific and ugly for being this weight at this height. I know it can't be true; if no one else thinks I'm fat and no chart says I am, then why do I look and feel this way??
How can I get out of this? I know I don't technically have an eating disorder, but if you can give me any advice, it would be really helpful.
Answer
Sarah,
As someone who has dealt with an eating disorder I know what you're feeling, but have you considered sitting down with someone and talking to them about your feelings? I want to suggest a website to you called something-fishy.org and it's a site designed for those who have battled or currently dealing with all types of eating disorders to get support and help for their problem. This can help you get in the right direction to improve your self-esteem and image so you can begin to feel better about yourself and to go back to living your life normal and healthy. I still feel unattractive to men because of the weight gain and loss I faced for years dealing with an eating disorder and now I am getting better and every now and then have a relapse, but it's better than it was years ago when I was at the height of my disorder.
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