Expert: Joanne - 1/21/2009

Question
QUESTION: Lately, I've been eating A LOT less. I actually ENJOY the feeling that my stomach gets when I'm hungry or starving. If I go eat something to stop the feeling I'll think "No, don't do that, then you won't have that empty-stomach feeling." I feel guilty about eating, and when I do eat, I consider throwing it up. Though I haven't actually thrown up a meal before, I've been sticking my fingers down my throat, attempting to get used to the feeling so it will be less weird when I do end up throwing up. Am I on the road to becoming some one with an eating disorder, or do I actually have one?"

ANSWER: Kaytie

It does sound like you are developing disordered eating habits and therefore most likely an eating disorder.

Is there a reason that you began engaging in such behaviours?  Why do you feel guilty for eating?

Please, I'm asking you not to go down the route of purging meals.  Not only are you risking all the health problems that go with starving yourself, but now you are also risking your teeth (yes they will most likely rot due to the acid in the long term) and are putting yourself in danger of causing an oesophageal tear, and massive haemorrhaging!  You are already risking your life via starving yourself, but you'd be making that even more of a possibility by purging on top of everything else.

I think that you should think about talking to someone about this - doctor, tutor, relative, counsellor, etc.  This will be so much easier to treat and save your body from long term complications if this is treated now rather than later.  Many people at this stage believe that because they are not sickly thin or majorly underweight, they don't warrant help, but that is so not the case!  Most people would rather treat at this stage than later, however, it can be harder to get into some treatment programmes as there are so many people that are dangerously underweight, so you may have to be willing to speak to a counsellor or therapist who isn't eating disorder specific, or possibly try to find someone privately.

Please think about getting help.  I was offered help at a similar stage that you find yourself in now, and I denied anything was wrong - if I could have turned back time, I would have taken that help then!

Joanne

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Honestly, I don't know why I did start this behavior. My only guess is that it's because when I was a bit younger, I was always teased for my appearance by "friends." I've been insecure & have had low self esteem ever since, even though I rarely am made fun of anymore. So, because I'm insecure about the way I look, that means I'm insecure about my weight as well. I'm guessing this is where the entire problem starts.

I feel guilty because this little nagging voice in the back of my head will tell me that I'll never lose weight if I eat, that I'll only get fat.

I have started eating again, though I still have that voice telling me not too. Ignoring it is extremly hard, but I try.

I will talk to someone about this, and get some help. I really do not want to keep feeling this way.

By the way, I really would like to thank you for taking the time and answering my question! It was very helpful.

Answer
Kaytie

No need to thank me!  I am glad that you have decided to talk to someone about this.

It will be hard, but you just need to try your best to ignore the voice telling you not to eat, and keep reminding yourself that it is only part of the eating disorder and is not real.

You need to work on your self esteem and insecurities with someone and challenge your image of yourself, but again, this is better done with someone trained to help you deal with the thoughts and emotions that go hand-in-hand with this!

All the best
Joanne