Expert: Melissa - 1/7/2009

Question
Hi.
I am 17 years old. My BMI is around 14. I have restricted my food intake for about six years, but it has recently gotten worse in the past year. I have even resorted to overexercising and throwing up my food. I have both a nutritionist and a therapist who are willing to help me with my recovery. I was eating around 1,300 calories a day but then started binging and purging. I gained three pounds and felt absolutely unbearable and miserable. Right now, I'm having trouble finding a reason to recover. What can I have at a higher weight that I can't have now? I'm so afraid to gain weight, I don't understand how it will help me. Could you please give me some motivation as to why I should recover? How do I deal with gaining weight? Please help...I'm so confused.

Answer
Hi Taylor,
It sounds like you're really struggling and my heart ahces for you. I urge you to use the support system you have available to you-- your nutritionist and therapist--as they are vital and amazing tools to assist you in your recovery. Have you talked to your therapist about your concerns about gaining weight and the hopelessness you are feeling?
I can't give you a reason to recover. That has to come from within you. The only person you should recover for is yourself. However, when your BMI is at such a dangerous place as yours is, you need to get your body weight up NOW, regardless of who you do it for.
At a higher weight, you can be free of your lack of energy, weakness, feeling cold all the time, dry skin, constipation and abdominal pain, insomnia, restlessness, trouble concentrating, dizziness, fainting, headaches, depression, and hopelessness. Your period will return, too, which is something incredibly important if you want to have children some day.
I know you're afraid to gain weight. You have to let go and trust your doctors. It will be scary but I know you're not happy with how things are right now. I know you probably feel you worked very hard to get to the weight you are at now but how has all that hard work paid off if you're still so unhappy? Your anorexia has just brought you misery and if you are unable to enjoy life, then maybe maintaining such a low weight is just contributing to your unhappiness? I think you need to talk to your therapist and dietician and trust them. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. If you keep resisting weight gain and you're not getting any happier, it's time to try something new. I hope that makes sense.
Best, Melissa